


Emergency

by swwrighter



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Sex, F/F, Lesbian Character, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:28:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6583228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swwrighter/pseuds/swwrighter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Modern Setting; Workplace.</p>
<p>Therese is a struggling graduate student who recently took on a new job to help pay the bills. There she meets a mysterious older woman with whom she feels an instant connection. But Therese feels out of her league; will her insecurity get in the way of her attraction?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 12:15 a.m.

* * *

 

Therese pulled into the parking lot, tires squealing as she rounded the corner and turned into a space near the hospital entrance. She threw the car into park, grabbed her purse and keys and stumbled out, walk-running towards the double doors of the main entrance. It was 11:26 p.m.

There weren’t many people about as Therese half-jogged through the foyer, following the bright red signs for Emergency. She took the stairwell at full speed and ran down the final hallway, past the security desk and through the packed waiting room full of people, barely seeing their faces. 11:29 p.m.

Therese opened the office door with her keycard and found Dannie twisting around, side to side in the wheeled office chair. He was checking his phone absent-mindedly, but glanced up as Therese dumped her purse on the desk and let out a sigh of relief. Dannie put his phone down.

“Way to go, girl! On time for once,” Dannie joked, smiling broadly at Therese. He was a new friend, but a good one. He had her back at this job, and he remembered how tough it was when he had first started working in this environment. Long hours, busy shifts, and often overnights were what the newbies had to work. Not to mention the sometimes-grumpy or sensitive patients, overworked nurses and temperamental doctors. It was a good job for Therese, but it was exhausting a lot of the time. Having Dannie there most nights with her made things a lot more bearable.

“I slept in again… these hours are so weird; I just can’t get my sleep right,” Therese said apologetically.

“Don’t worry about it. I’d cover for you. Besides, it’s just you and me tonight. And it is rammed in here. This is going to be brutal ‘til we clear things out,” Dannie said.

“Perfect,” said Therese. Dannie threw his hands up, as if to say, _What can you do?_

“Okay. Where should I start?” Therese asked. There were tons of administrative tasks to get done in the Emergency Department at all times; it was a never-ending machine of healthcare bureaucracy. As a part-time administrator, Therese had to do her best to keep that machine running; all non-medical tasks fell to her and Dannie tonight, and the whole department had to be caught up and ready to face the next day by the time their shift ended in the morning. And still the patients kept rolling in all night, sick and injured and worried, and the team in Emergency did their best to help them.

“You take care of tomorrow’s Ultrasound and Fracture appointments first, there’s a backlog of those requests in the clinic,” Dannie said. “I’ll see which patients are admitted and get all that shit done so they can go upstairs to the floors. After that, I dunno… we’ll see what’s next on the list. I’ll cover the phones for now, too.” Therese nodded and walked over to the in-house clinic.

For Therese, this job at Southern Memorial Hospital was far from her dream gig. It paid the bills, though, as she had been in school for years now and it had become an untenable financial situation recently. She was working towards her Master’s of Fine Arts at the local university with a focus on Studio Photography. But a few wedding or baby photoshoots on the side or TA’ing a class simply wasn’t cutting it anymore, so Therese cut her course load back to part-time and started working here at Southern 4-5 nights a week. Now she could pay her rent and buy food or camera equipment or cigarettes without panicking about her bank account.

Therese carried her camera with her everywhere. Sometimes she was able to take a few shots here at work, but of course she had to ask permission. There were so many poignant and emotional moments that happened here, though, that the job constantly inspired her art. So many stories were told here; even if she couldn’t always take a photo, she could picture the moments in her mind’s eye… flashes of grief and shock, as well as memories of relief and joy in people’s faces when the news was good. Therese also felt like a part of something here; even if she wasn’t the one saving people’s lives, she was still part of the team. She felt welcomed and valued, and that wasn’t something she had often felt before in her life.

* * *

 

Therese reached the clinic section of Emergency, which was empty and silent since it had closed a bit early tonight at 10:00 p.m. Therese quickly sorted through the pile of appointment requests, entered them all into the computer, and filed all the paperwork away. She tidied up the desk for the morning, and was about to leave to go find Dannie again when she heard the door click open.

“Hello?” a voice called out.

Therese walked over to the corner of the office and peeped her head around. “Hi… Can I help you?” she asked timidly. Only half the lights were on in the clinic and the reception area was flooded in darkness. Therese saw the shadow of a woman standing there but didn’t recognize her.

“Yes… Dannie sent me over. I’ve just got one more request for the morning. I need an abdominal ultrasound for this patient for around 11:00 a.m.” The woman walked towards Therese, holding out the paperwork and coming into view as she approached the desk. “Would you mind, terribly? I’d really appreciate it. Then I can send this patient home.”

Therese stared at the woman stupidly for a few seconds. _Holy Christ, she's a knockout_ , Therese thought. The woman had brilliant golden hair pulled back into a loose bun, and her face was absolutely stunning. She didn’t seem to be wearing much makeup, just a touch of mascara and some tinted red lip stain. Her skin was perfect and her eyes were a striking blue-grey colour. She was wearing the standard light green scrubs that most of the staff wore in the department, and Therese wondered what kind of shape she might be in underneath the loose-fitting outfit.

She noticed that suddenly the woman’s arms had crossed across her chest and when Therese glanced up, the woman had raised one eyebrow and was smiling at her, seemingly entertained. She was waiting for an answer. _Oh my God, how long was I gawking at her for?_ Therese thought, embarrassed. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

“I… uh… of course. Not a problem,” Therese said at last, trying not to stutter. “I’ll do it right now. It’ll only take a minute.” The woman smiled warmly and actually moved to sit down in one of the office chairs behind Therese.

“Great. Thanks. I’ll just wait for it, if that’s okay. I need to take a breather for a second.” The woman sighed, and leaned back in the chair, breathing out heavily and staring blankly at the ceiling. _She looks exhausted_ , Therese thought.

Therese quickly sat down and logged back onto the computer, entering the appointment request and printing off a confirmation sheet for the woman, who was still gazing vacantly into space. Therese got up and took a few tentative steps closer, trying to think of what to say. She wanted to know who this woman was. She wasn’t sure why, but Therese wanted to know everything about her. Why had she never seen her before? Therese wasn’t even sure if she was a nurse or a doctor.

“Um… all done. I was just wondering… so… are you… new here?” Therese folded the appointment paper in half nervously. The woman lifted her head and their eyes met, the woman’s intense look seeming to appraise Therese in an instant. She stood up and closed the space between them.

“I am so sorry! Dr. Aird. I’m one of the new staff doctors. I don’t believe we’ve met…? Have we? So many new faces.” The woman extended her hand and Therese noticed her perfectly manicured red nails.

Therese reached out her hand and gripped Dr. Aird’s, trying not to let her hand tremble. _What the fuck, Therese?_ she thought. _Get it together; this is your new colleague, try not to act like a complete lunatic._

“And you are…?” Dr. Aird asked. They were still shaking hands, and it was going on for a few seconds too long. Dr. Aird was still watching Therese closely.

“Right! I’m… I’m Therese. I’m one of the admin people here,” she said. “Mostly night shifts. Maybe that’s why we haven’t met before.”

“Therese? Not Theresa?” Therese shook her head nervously.

“Just Therese… Therese Belivet. It’s Czech.” _She doesn’t care that your name is Czech, idiot,_ Therese thought. _And are we still shaking hands?_ _Is this the longest handshake ever?_

“Therese Belivet. That’s lovely.” Dr. Aird said, finally releasing Therese’s hand. Therese blushed a little. The way Dr. Aird said her name was somehow so much more interesting than when anyone else said it.

“Anyway! I’d best get back to it. I’ve got about 50 people waiting for my expert diagnosis,” Dr. Aird said brightly. “Thanks for doing me that favour, Therese Belivet.” She winked at Therese and took the appointment paper from her hand. “I’ll be sure to make it up to you.”

Therese let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, that’s not necessary. Um… it was nice meeting you, Dr. Aird,” she said as the beautiful blonde woman started making her way out of the office back to the department. Before she got to the doorway, Dr. Aird turned back around, her voice calling out from the darkness.

“Therese? … Actually, it’s Carol. You can call me Carol.” With that, the door opened and she was gone.

Therese sat down heavily on her chair and let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. _What just happened?_ Therese knew that she should get up and get back to work, but she couldn’t seem to move. She stared at the clock.

It was 12:15 a.m.

_Carol_.

 

 


	2. 3:52 a.m.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therese takes a break in the middle of the night.

* * *

 

3:30 a.m.: Therese and Dannie were finally catching up on everything that needed to be done in the department. They were one admin short tonight, so they weren’t able to take proper breaks. Someone needed to be answering the phones at all times, and there were always patients coming in and out of Emergency all night who needed to be registered or discharged in the system. They had been working steadily for four hours.

It had slowed down a bit, though, so Dannie and Therese sat together at the front desk of the department to take a few minutes of downtime before tackling the rest of the night’s tasks. Dannie poured some lukewarm coffee from his Thermos into two styrofoam cups.

“Thanks. Hmmm. This tastes like shit… Is this literally jet fuel?” Therese said, gulping back the whole cup.

“Gee, you’re welcome,” Dannie said, grinning. He took a swallow of coffee and grimaced. “You’re right, this is bad. But hey, whatever keeps us alive for another few hours.” Therese nodded.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Dannie said, his eyes glazing over. This was their fourth night shift in a row and the strange hours usually started to wear on them as the days went on. Therese found that she could either sleep all day, passing out for 14 hours, or she’d toss and turn for ages and show up for work again feeling like a zombie.

“Only one more night,” Therese said. Dannie nodded vaguely as he sipped his coffee.

“I’ll print off today’s staff schedule,” Therese offered, logging in to the scheduling program on Dannie’s computer. Dannie grunted in response and put his head down on his arm for a moment, trying in vain not to fall asleep. Therese updated the program for the next 24 hours of staffing, and found herself looking for a certain name. _C. Aird._ There it was. It looked like the blonde doctor was coming back to work another night shift tonight as well. Therese smiled to herself. She wasn’t sure why the thought of working with Carol again made her feel so happy. It wasn’t as if they actually worked side-by-side; it was a huge department and Carol was just one doctor working the floor while Therese did a myriad of other tasks. In fact, Therese hadn’t seen her again since they’d met in the clinic a few hours ago. Therese furrowed her brow in annoyance.

She got up quickly. “I’m just going to go have a cigarette. I’ll start on the rest of the charts and stuff when I get back,” Therese said. Dannie waved a weak thumbs-up in approval as Therese grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out the side door.

* * *

 

Smoking was banned on hospital property, but during night shifts nobody was ever around to complain. Therese walked down the path outside the Emergency entrance and sat down on a park bench that overlooked a small flower garden. It was cool and misty outside and Therese breathed in deeply and stretched her arms out across the back of the bench. This might be the only break she got, so she was going to enjoy the few minutes of quiet. She lit up a cigarette and exhaled slowly into the air, watching the plume of smoke drift upwards towards the stars. A rare moment of solitude. It was 3:40 a.m.

A minute or two later, Therese heard soft footsteps coming down the path. _Shit. Leave me alone, whoever you are._ She leaned her elbows onto her knees and put her chin down, closing off her body language so that whoever it was would realize that she didn’t want company. She heard the person stop just to her right, and there was a pregnant pause. She glanced over.

“Therese Belivet. I thought that was you.”

“Hi! Oh… Hello. Doctor… Carol.” _Oh for fuck’s sake_. ‘ _Doctor Carol?’_ Therese could have kicked herself. _And why is she looking at me like that? Am I in trouble for smoking?_ Therese could feel her heartbeat kick up a notch.

Carol laughed. “Just Carol is fine, Therese.” She pulled out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her scrub pants and took one out. “Don’t you know that smoking is bad for you?” she said with a smirk.

Therese smiled with relief and took another drag. “Hmmm, I hadn’t heard. But how can something so bad feel so good?” _Hmmm, that’s better,_ Therese thought. _That actually sounded kind of cool_. Something about this Dr. Aird made Therese nervous and she found it hard to speak properly. She wasn’t sure if it was just how beautiful she was, or if it was the way the woman looked at her: always with intense, unbreaking eye contact. It was very disconcerting.

“So true.” Carol smiled and placed the cigarette between her lips, patting her pockets as she searched for a lighter. “Shit. Got a light?” she mumbled, her cigarette still in her mouth. Therese pulled her lighter out of her pocket and made to pass it over, but at the last moment she flicked it instead, holding the flame out to Carol. Carol leaned over and lit up, her hand holding onto Therese’s for a few seconds as she cupped the flame. Therese found herself staring at their joined hands, fascinated, before Carol let go and backed up again, inhaling some smoke and blowing it out gently into the sky.

“Thanks. Ah, that’s better. I needed to get out of there for five minutes.” She walked around Therese and sat down next to her on the bench.

“Yeah, me too,” said Therese. “Pretty busy night.”

“It often is, I’m discovering,” said Carol. “A lot busier than the hospital I came from.”

“And where was that?” Therese asked politely.

“Oh, just a few hours north-east of here,” Carol said, waving her hand nonchalantly. “It was still an urgent care facility but it was so quiet in comparison. Here it’s just… non-stop. It’s more exciting though; there are more interesting cases and people here in the city. That’s the compromise, I guess.”

“Never a dull moment here,” Therese agreed. Her cigarette was done and she crushed the butt under her heel. She checked her pack to see if there were any more left for later on, but it was empty. “Ugh; and then you run out of cigarettes,” she muttered.

“Here, have one of mine,” Carol said. “Stay, Therese, and have another one with me. We can be bad together,” she added with a grin. Therese blushed, but decided to stay. Dannie could survive another 5 minutes without her. She lit up the offered cigarette and leaned back on the bench again, trying to relax. It was rather difficult to do that around Carol, she realized. There was something about her presence that was unnerving to Therese; she felt restless and strange in a way that was new to her.

“I should really quit,” Carol said, flicking some ash onto the ground. “It’s terrible, really. But I’m too stressed out right now to take that on. I think I’d either end up smoking more, or just be a bear all the time and piss everybody off.”

“You’re not the only doctor or nurse who smokes,” Therese said. “And if you’re stressed out right now, well… don’t feel so bad about it. Smoking can be relaxing.” _I wonder what is stressing her out_ , Therese wondered. _Is it just this job? Or is it something else? She looks weary…_ Therese wished there was something she could say or do to help, but she felt awkward asking.

“Is that why you do it, Therese?” Carol asked, gazing attentively at her again. “To relax?”

“No,” Therese smiled. “I smoke because… I don’t know. I just like it. And I like being alone, and smoking lets me take a break from anything… or anyone… that I might need a break from.”

“So I’ve interrupted your alone time, then?” Carol asked, her eyes mischievous.

Therese looked evenly back at the beautiful woman beside her. “No,” she said. “I don’t mind sharing my time with you.”

Carol smiled softly, seemingly pleased with that answer. The two women smoked in silence for a minute, enjoying the quiet. Carol leaned back into the bench, letting her head incline back to look at the stars, as Therese had been doing earlier. “Isn’t it beautiful,” she said quietly.

Therese traced her eyes along Carol’s pale neck, exposed to the moonlight, and her champagne-coloured hair, falling behind her in a loosely-tied wave.  Therese checked her watch.  It was 3:52 a.m., but she felt more awake and alive than she had in weeks.

“Yes,” Therese replied. “It is beautiful.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slooowwwww buuuuurrrrrnnnnnnnn lol.
> 
> Just trying to build their connection. More action and shiz to come in upcoming chapters. 
> 
> Happy Monday and thank you for reading!


	3. 5:46 a.m.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some slight angst followed by a bowl of mush.

 

* * *

 

5:46 a.m.  Therese was slumped in a chair in one of the Emergency zones, lazily organizing some paperwork and clicking robotically at the computer every few minutes to check for updates.  She and Dannie had done all their required jobs, and now it was just idle busywork until their shift ended in a couple of hours. She contemplated going outside again for a cigarette, but she remembered that she’d run out of smokes. Carol had given her one of hers earlier.  _I could go ask her for another one_ , Therese thought. However, she knew that Carol was run off her feet: she’d seen glimpses of blonde hair as Carol rushed around the department since their smoke break, trying to stay on top of all the patients needing care.

There was a huge commotion suddenly as the double doors of the zone burst open; a stretcher being pushed by two huge EMS guys came hurtling through the door in a frenzy of noise and oxygen tanks and beeping monitors.  “Where to?” one of the EMS workers shouted.

“What’s going on?” Therese said, standing up.

“Argh, a frickin’ code stroke just rolled in and we didn’t know it was coming,” muttered Bryan, one of the nurses.  “Whatever, let’s get them in here.  Therese, can you page Dr. Aird?” he called over his shoulder as he pulled on some latex gloves. “In here, in here,” Bryan shouted, directing the EMS crew into the resuscitation room.

Therese checked the number for Dr. Aird’s portable phone and dialed hurriedly.

 

_“Carol Aird.”_

“Hi.  There’s a Code Stroke here. It’s in the resus room.”

_“Now? It’s here?”_

“Yes.”

_“Okay, coming.  … Who is this?”_

“… It’s Therese.”

_“Right.”_

 

The phone disconnected.  Therese felt flustered but set to work getting the patient’s information into the system as soon as she could.  The patient was an older man, and his wife stood in front of Therese’s desk crying silently.  Therese extracted all the information she needed from the poor woman and brought the chart into the resus room.

Dr. Aird had arrived and was a blur of agitation, markedly different from the calm woman who had been staring up at the stars with Therese only a couple of hours ago.  _She’s worried_ , Therese realized.

“Why did we not know this was coming in?  Jesus Christ. Has he regained consciousness? This looks like a hemorrhage…” She asked the EMS crew some more questions and leaned over the man. “Mr. Cohen?  HELLO?  Can you hear me?”  Carol seemed frantic as she barked orders to Bryan and the other nurses in the room.

“We need to get the Stroke Team down here NOW.  This is not good.”  Carol looked up and saw Therese nearby, where she had gotten the patient’s wife a chair and a glass of water and had sat her down out of the way.

“Therese!  Therese, have we called in the Code Stroke?  Is the stroke team on its way?” she called out.

“Um… I don’t know…” Therese said, feebly.  Carol glared at her.

“Therese. For God’s sake. Call NOW. Why are you just fucking standing there?”

Therese was jolted out of her stupor and felt her face grow hot.  She rushed over to the phones and called in the Code Stroke to the main line, which would send the specialized team down to Emergency right away.  The hive of activity continued in the resus room but there was nothing else that Therese could do.  She felt unexpected tears gathering in her eyes.  _Oh great_.  She collected the rest of her paperwork into a messy pile, grabbed her keycard and walked quickly out the doors, avoiding looking in the direction of the resus room and Dr. Aird.

Therese found the front office empty and threw all her papers onto the desk furiously.  _She was so rude to me,_ she thought _.  I didn’t deserve that.  What the fuck?_

“And I have no fucking cigarettes,” she remembered.  Therese wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.  _Try not to take it personally,_ she said to herself _.  That man was dying.  It’s not about you._

Then why had it hurt her so badly?

Dannie pushed through the door, ass-first, holding a box of forms for the morning team.  He dumped the box on the table and then pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket, waving it triumphantly.

“I give the vending machine money, and I get chocolatey goodness,” he said.  “How much better can life get?”  Therese giggled and gladly accepted half of the bar as Dannie opened it and broke it in two.  _Almost as good as a smoke_.  She felt herself calming down.

“Did you see that stroke patient in there?  Looks pretty bad… I don’t know if he’s going to make it,” Dannie said as he chewed.  “Dr. Aird looked pretty pissed.”

“Yeah… she kinda yelled at me,” Therese admitted.

“I’ve heard that she can snap pretty easily.  Can be a real piece of work.  I dunno… I wouldn’t mind her yelling at me sometime… or even talking to me at all.  She ignores me mostly.  But whatever… she’s damn hot so I guess she can act however she wants.”

“That’s not fair,” Therese said, defensive. “She just moved here, who knows what she might be going through. And you shouldn’t just call her hot like… like that’s all there is to her.”  Therese thought back to their time together outside.  _Isn’t it beautiful…_

Dannie looked surprised.  “Sorry, sorry,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender.  “I wasn’t trying to be sexist or whatever.  But… come on, Therese… she is hot.  Don’t you think?  I mean, who looks like that?”

Therese felt her cheeks getting warm.  She remembered a flash of steely blue-grey eyes and golden hair falling softly in the moonlight.

“Yes. She is gorgeous,” Therese said quietly.  She looked down at her hands and rubbed them together self-consciously.

The phone rang and Dannie reached out to grab it.  “Hello?  Yep, can do. Okay. Thanks.”

“Speak of the devil,” Dannie said, raising his eyebrows.

“What?”

“It’s Dr. Aird. She wants to see you.”

* * *

 

 

Therese walked down the hall to the physicians’ offices, feeling on edge. _If she yells at me again I don’t think I can take it,_ Therese thought. She could feel her palms sweating and she wiped them nervously on her black jeans.

The door was open and Therese saw that Dr. Aird was alone.  She was bent over a pile of charts, sifting through them quickly and signing her name to the bottom of each one. Her blonde hair had become even more disheveled and she kept brushing pieces out of her face in an irritated manner.

Therese knocked lightly on the open door.  “Dr. Aird?  You wanted to see me?” Therese was pleased by how level and calm her voice sounded, even though her fingers were drumming a nervous beat along her thighs.

The beautiful doctor turned around slowly at the sound of her voice. She leaned back in her chair and simply looked at Therese for a few seconds, her face expressionless.  Therese maintained eye contact and waited.

“I…” Carol began. She looked flustered and threw the pen she was holding carelessly onto the desk. “I wanted to talk to you because of how that situation was handled in there. The resus room.”

Therese felt self-conscious.  “I know… I should’ve called the team right away… when they first came in…”

“It’s not your fault,” Carol interrupted. “At all. What I meant to say is, how I handled the situation. I… uh… I handled it badly.  And I was horrible to you.  And I’m sorry.”

Therese didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t really been expecting a heartfelt apology.  “Well…”

“Will you forgive me?” Carol asked, softly.

“Dr. Aird… you don’t need to apologize.  I mean, that was a pretty intense situation and I should’ve been more helpful. You were just doing your job…”

“No. Don’t say that.”  The blonde woman stood up and walked over to Therese, stopping just in front of her.  “Therese, my job is to help people and try to save lives.  Not to lose my shit and start swearing at my colleagues when things get tough. That's not who I am. I don’t… I don’t want to be like this…”

Therese realized in shock that Carol was on the verge of tears. Therese reached out a tentative hand and placed it lightly on her shoulder. “Dr. Aird… is everything okay?”

“Therese… please… please. Call me Carol.  I don’t want to be just Dr. Aird to you.”  She reached a hand up to rest it upon Therese’s, which was still on her shoulder.  _She’s hanging on by a thread._   _What on earth is going on?_ Therese wondered. But her mind was also fixated on what else Carol had said: _I don’t want to be just Dr. Aird to you…_

“I’m sorry. Carol. Um… what can I do to help? Is this about the patient?  Did he… pass away?”

“You know, Therese, I’m not even sure,” Carol let out a snort.  “The stroke team came in and I just went back to work.  So many people were waiting for me to see them… so many… and there was a little girl who looked just like…” Carol trailed off.  She shook her head and let go of Therese’s hand, taking a step back and letting Therese’s fingers slip off her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry. This is totally unprofessional. I don’t even know you. God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just so tired… I seem to be falling apart at the seams.  I really need to sleep. I feel like I’m just… done.  What time is it, anyway?” Carol reached out for her chair and half-slumped into it.

“It’s… it’s actually 7:15 a.m.  We are done, almost.”

“Oh, thank God.  I just hope I can make it home in one piece. I feel like I’m sleepwalking.”

“Do you… do you want me to drive you home?” Therese asked.  “I’d be happy to… my car is parked in the lot out front. It wouldn’t be any trouble. I feel fine to drive.”

Carol observed her with an unwavering gaze that made Therese feel simultaneously tense and electrified.  _Why is she looking at me like that?  Is it weird that I want to drive her home?_

“Can we smoke in your car?” Carol finally said in a serious voice, before her face broke into a grin.

Therese laughed. “Totally. But I’m out of cigarettes, so that’s all you, babe.” _Oh shit. Babe?_   _That was weird_. Therese looked down at her hands, where she found her nails suddenly fascinating.

Carol didn’t say anything but Therese heard her gathering up her papers and organizing a few things on the desk. “Therese, I need about fifteen minutes to clear out of here. Can I meet you by the front desk?”

“Sure, of course,” said Therese faintly, looking up again as she started backing out of the physicians’ office.

“Great. And thanks for the offer. See you in a few minutes… babe.” Carol winked at her. Therese turned around hastily and practically ran back down the hall to the front desk.

It was 7:24 a.m. as Therese sat with Dannie in pleasant silence up at the front, whiling away the final few minutes. _I called her babe. What a fucking moron._ Even as Therese's mind lingered on those humiliating thoughts, however, she couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew that reading fanfic was addictive, but I didn't realize that writing it was! So much for my productivity IN ANY OTHER AREA OF MY LIFE.
> 
> This chapter was a little more actiony vis-a-vis the hospital stuff, but now I can get the ball rolling on them getting to know each other outside of work as well. Huzzah


	4. 8:58 a.m.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therese realizes something that is tragically obvious.

It was 7:47 a.m. as Carol and Therese walked through the hospital foyer towards the parking lot.  Even though she’d been up all night, Therese had a bounce in her step. She was glad that Carol had apologized to her earlier and that things seemed normal.  It had made her feel a bit sick to her stomach when Carol had yelled at her.  She didn’t want that to happen again.

Carol had changed into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt which, while still loose, were definitely more flattering on her body than her medical scrubs.  _She’s fit,_ Therese thought. _I bet she’s like, a runner or something._

“Thanks again for driving me home.  I’m shattered. I can’t wait to just curl up in bed,” said Carol, putting on her sunglasses as they stepped outside.

“Mmmm, me too,” said Therese. She felt a pang of loneliness, though, thinking about the fact that she had nobody to snuggle up in bed with.  She wondered if Carol had anyone special to go home to, but that thought made Therese feel strange.  _I guess I could just ask her,_ Therese thought. _Not that it’s any of my business_.  Therese said nothing and she pulled out her keys as they came up to her car.

“This is me.”

Carol’s mouth dropped open. “This is your car? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

Therese smiled.  She loved her car, an electric green Dodge Challenger SRT[*](http://tinyurl.com/ztgsdba).  “You like it?” She felt absurdly pleased by Carol’s excitement.

“Aren’t you full of surprises? I was picturing something a little more tame. How long have you had this?”

“It’s... I don't know, a year or two old.  Actually, my ex-boyfriend bought it for me. Richard. When things were good between us. It was a gift for me for our two-year anniversary.”

“I see. That’s quite a gift. He must have loved you very much. But then… so… things went bad between you and him...?”

“Yeah… well, it’s a long story but he ended up cheating on me. He said that I had been distant. That was his excuse, anyway. Richard thought that I insisted on keeping the car because I was angry at him, or out of spite, but really, I think I cared more about the car than about him by that point. Plus it was a gift, so, you know… fuck him, right?”

“I’m sorry that he cheated on you, Therese, that’s terrible,” Carol said, reaching out to squeeze her hand.

“Don’t be.  To be honest, I think I was relieved. When I walked away from him, I felt free. That was six months ago, and I can’t say that I miss him at all.”

Carol released her hand. “Well, it’s a sexy car. You must turn heads all the time, driving this thing around the city.”  She walked over to the car and ran her hand along the side of the hood.

“Not really…. Well, maybe. I don’t know.  I guess I don’t really notice those things.”

“Believe me. You turn heads. With or without the car,” Carol said quietly.

Therese coughed awkwardly. “Um… I do love driving it though.  It goes super fast.  My friend Dannie is a huge gearhead so this thing is pretty much his dream car.  He’s always asking to borrow it.”

“Ha! I might be asking to borrow it. It’s a beauty.”  Carol leaned against the driver door and crossed her arms. “What do you think? Does it suit me?”

Therese felt her stomach flip over at the sight of Carol in her sunglasses leaning against the Challenger. “Uh… Yeah… that’s hot.  I mean, you look hot. Ah! I mean… yes. It suits you.” Therese was mortified by her own words. _Somebody shoot me_.

Carol laughed out loud.  “Excellent. But… shit!  We are NOT smoking in this car. That would be blasphemy.  Let’s have one now though, while nobody’s around.” Carol dumped her bag on the ground and started rummaging through it, looking for her cigarettes. 

“Okay.” Therese opened the car door behind Carol and threw her purse inside. She turned around and stood above Carol, watching her as she hunted through her bag.  Therese could see the muscles in Carol’s back through her white t-shirt and she had an inexplicable urge to run her fingers down between her shoulder blades.

Carol stood up. “Do you want to just share one? I just want a few drags to take the edge off.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” Therese said, and then gave Carol a sly look.  “Do you want to sit on the hood with me while we smoke?”

“Um, YES. Obviously.” Carol was adorably excited as she eased herself onto the hood of the car and shifted over to make room for Therese, before lying back carefully against the windshield. “Maybe I’ll just sleep here,” she joked, lighting the cigarette.  Therese pulled herself onto the car and leaned back next to Carol, closing her eyes and feeling the morning sun’s warm rays on her face.

“I feel like a teenager again, smoking on the hood of my boyfriend’s car,” Carol remarked, passing the cigarette over to Therese.

“I didn’t really have any boyfriends in high school,” Therese admitted, taking a drag and blowing the smoke into the air.

“No? How about girlfriends?”  Carol said casually.  _What does she mean? Does she think I’m…?_  Therese tried to answer nonchalantly, even though her heart had picked up speed.

“Not those either… I was just an art nerd and was always in the studio. I barely remember much of high school except for painting, avoiding gym class, and being too shy to talk to boys… or anyone, really.”

Carol sat up a bit and turned to look at Therese with interest. “Oh really? You’re an artist? I had no idea.”  Therese took another puff of the cigarette and passed it back to Carol carefully.

“I still do a bit of painting here and there, but now I’m mostly into photography. I’m finishing my Master’s in Studio Photography right now, part-time.”

Therese glanced over and Carol had lifted her sunglasses, fixing her sharp grey-eyed gaze on her again.  “Therese, that is very impressive. You are just full of surprises. I’d love to see your work sometime.”

“Well… okay. Sure. I don’t know how impressive it is though. I mean, you save lives, Carol. You’re a doctor. What is more extraordinary than that?”

“What you do is every bit as worthy. The world needs art, and not everyone can be an artist you know. I think it’s a very special talent.  And I’m sure you’re wonderful at it.” Carol was insistent.

“And I think you’re delirious,” Therese laughed. “We should probably get you home before you lose your mind, or realize that you’re dreaming.”  _This whole night and morning has felt like a dream_ , Therese thought.

Carol laughed. “Here, have the last drag.” She leaned over and placed the cigarette between Therese’s lips, her manicured nails brushing against her mouth.  Therese took a drag and Carol slowly pulled the cigarette away from her lips before throwing it a few feet away onto the ground.  Carol was still leaning over her, looking at her thoughtfully. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but there was a flicker of a change in her eyes and she sat up and pushed herself off the hood of the car.

“You’re right, I should probably get home.” Carol said abruptly, picking up her bag and moving around to open the passenger side of the car. “I’m not too far, by the way, it’s only about 20 minutes away.”

“No problem. I’d drive you anywhere.” _Oh lord. Stop talking._ Therese could feel her face turning pink as she hopped in and turned the ignition.  _Why can’t I stop saying embarrassing things?_

Carol just smiled and put her seatbelt on. “I’m west of here. If you take Westwood over to St. Charles, I’m just two blocks north up that street.”

“Alright,” Therese revved the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, smiling to herself as she took a tight corner at the lights and stepped on the gas, flying up Westwood Avenue. The streets were empty and Therese pushed the car hard for a mile or two before hitting a red light.  Therese came to a stop and, grinning, revved the engine again for Carol's benefit.

“Yep, I am stealing this car from you,” said Carol, settling down into her seat and crossing her arms. “That’s that. It is mine.”  Therese laughed and switched on the radio before the light turned green. She found herself driving a bit slower after that, as she realized that she didn’t want the ride to be over too quickly. It had been so long since she had had a friend… or anyone… in the car with her to enjoy a ride.

Therese found herself glancing over at Carol as she drove.  She was leaning against the headrest and looking out the window in silence. The morning sun pouring into the car was illuminating Carol’s pale hair and skin.  _She looks like an actual angel,_ Therese thought. _She’s so lovely._

Therese furrowed her brow and gripped the wheel a little harder.  The emotions she was feeling towards Carol were totally bewildering.  Since she’d broken up with Richard six months ago, Therese hadn’t really dated anyone. She’d been working and studying and taking photos, and she had been truly enjoying her own company after extricating herself from that long and toxic relationship.  She had even started thinking that maybe she preferred being alone; perhaps that’s what was meant to be for her.

She had met Carol less than twelve hours ago, but she felt totally fascinated by her. When Carol looked at her with that penetrating, relentless stare, Therese felt edgy and excited in a way that made her almost feel sick. It was as though Carol’s eyes could burn into her; that every time they made eye contact, Carol was searching for something deep inside her… and that she would hunt and pursue whatever that thing was until Therese was raw and ruined.

Therese had never felt anything like it; certainly not with Richard, or with any of the other men she’d dated.  Therese had never really ruled out dating women, but it had never truly come up; she hadn’t ever noticed any women that way. Then again, she hadn’t really noticed men that way either, in terms of being thrilled and captivated by them and wanting their attention. Even the men she’d chosen to date had somehow just been… there. Benign and boring and then eventually it would be over. Carol didn’t seem like she could ever be boring.  Nor did she even seem like a man or a woman, exactly; it was as though Carol belonged to some other alien species that Therese had never met before. It felt as if everyone else that Therese had ever known was just a faded photograph; blurry, not fully formed, hard to see.  Carol was like full-colour video; bright eyes and golden hair and red lips and nails and winking and smoking and laughing and looking… always looking at her… in a way that made Therese feel… feel like…

Therese’s eyes grew wide.  _Oh shit.  I am in big trouble. I am fucking screwed._

St. Charles Road was just ahead, and Therese took a right and cruised slowly north. She wasn’t sure where exactly Carol lived, so she drove up a couple of blocks, waiting for Carol to say something.  When she looked over at last, she saw Carol’s chest rising and falling evenly and realized that she had fallen asleep.  Therese pulled over to the side of the street and threw the car into park.   _Fuck. Fucking fuckity fuck._

Therese folded her hands over the steering wheel and rested her forehead on them. She knew that she should wake up Carol, but she couldn’t handle looking into those eyes right now.  She needed to get this woman out of her car and get herself home where she could have a minute to think. And shower, and sleep; hopefully sleep for hours and hours. Maybe when she woke up, she could figure out what the hell was going on with this insane emotional state that had appeared out of nowhere. _I know nothing about her,_ Therese realized. _I know that she smokes and that she just moved to town. I know that she has a lot on her plate and is stressed out... but I don’t know about what.  And so I know that the last thing she needs is some schoolgirl crush from the pathetic grad student at her workplace. She probably has a husband… or a wife… and there’s no way… she doesn’t like me like that.  Maybe I’m just tired… I’m just exhausted and dreaming all this…_ Therese’s thoughts were spinning in circles, faster and faster, and she felt her mind going blank, overwhelmed.  She shut her eyes tightly and clenched her jaw.

Everything was black and peaceful for a few moments, until Therese felt a warm hand rubbing her back.  Somebody was whispering her name. “Therese…”

“Therese… you fell asleep, honey…”  What a divine voice that was. What a soothing feeling that warm hand was, tracing up and down her shoulder blade.  _Wait… don't stop... don't let me wake up from this dream...  
_

“Mmm… what?” Therese lifted her head suddenly, jolting up in shock.  “Sorry. So sorry. Shit.”  She could feel Carol's fingers still lightly touching her shoulder. Therese dared to peek over to her right, slowly, hoping that Carol would have somehow changed; that she would not be so beautiful, that it would not be so confusing for Therese and her ragged emotions to look at her.  _Nope, she's still hot and still fucking staring at me_. Therese felt like crying. _What is happening?_

“It’s okay, Therese, at least you put the car in park,” Carol said with a smile. "We both drifted off there for a few minutes. It's almost 9 a.m.  But you did get us to the right place: my house is right across the street. Come on, let’s go.”  Carol patted her shoulder and started unbuckling her seatbelt.

“What…? Go where?” Therese's brain was all muddled.

“You’re coming in. You can’t drive home like this. You can sleep in my guest room for a bit,” said Carol as she pulled her house keys out of her bag.

“No, no… I can’t… I have to go home. I need to...” Therese was frantic. _I need to get away from you._

“Therese, come with me right now. You cannot drive like this. For God’s sake, you just literally fell asleep against the steering wheel. I mean, really.” Carol laughed.  “Come on, now…Don’t make me say it.”

“Huh? Say what?”

Carol winked at her.  “Doctor’s orders.  Now get out of the fucking car.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *First of all, after a lengthy and hilarious comment conversation yesterday with TouristSeason about what kind of crappy or amazing car Therese should drive, I ended up giving her MY dream car, which looks like this: http://tinyurl.com/ztgsdba  
> Because why not, and FUCK YES, and I found a way to say fuck Richard too. And at some point I will make them fuck on top of the car itself, obviously. p.s. I like saying fuck. A lot.  
> That is all. For now. Carol back in scrubs again soon.


	5. A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therese may or may not be losing it.

* * *

 

The morning sun was bright and hot as Therese stepped out of the car, and its glare made the surreal state she was in feel even more dream-like.  Therese raised a hand to block out the sun and staggered, half-blind, after Carol, who was crossing the street towards her house. A strange mantra was repeating itself on a loop in her head: _So, so fucked in the head, so fucked…_

As much as she hated to admit it, Carol was right… she clearly couldn’t drive like this. She was emotionally and physically exhausted, and time seemed to be slackening down to a crawl.  Therese watched, dumbfounded, as Carol walked slowly and gracefully up the path to her front door: she was a vision, illuminated in light.  Therese struggled to catch up, and realized that her heart was beating at triple pace. She put a hand on her chest and could feel her lungs rising and falling rapidly as she struggled for breath. _Oh my God_ , she thought. _I’m afraid_.

Carol turned around at the top of her front steps, waiting for Therese to follow. Even through Carol’s sunglasses, Therese could feel the now-familiar intense watchfulness of her eyes. _No. No. Stop. I’m fucking terrified._

“Therese, are you alright?” Carol asked, coming back down the stairs. “You look a little… well, grey.”

Therese was honest: “I don’t know.”  She fought to regain her breath.

“Come on, darling. You need to lie down. And maybe eat something.”  Carol took Therese by the hand and guided her gently up the steps.  Therese followed, feeling humbled by her own weakness. _Maybe she’s right. I’m just tired and hungry.  Did I even eat anything during the night?  Or was it just cigarettes and chocolate?  That’s all this is… I’m just hungry. Yes. Definitely._

Carol released Therese’s hand and unlocked the door.  They walked into the front hallway and Therese mutely removed her shoes and dropped her purse next to them.  She shuffled past Carol and into the front living room, where a large soft couch seemed to be calling her name.  Therese sat down robotically and leaned back, closing her eyes and trying to block out some of the thoughts that were circling around in her mind incessantly. _What am I doing here?_ _Am I crazy?_   Therese concentrated on breathing in and out slowly.

She felt warm hands on her, resting lightly on her knees. _Breathe. Breathe, dammit!_   Therese opened her eyes and Carol was kneeling on the floor in front of her, looking concerned.

“Therese, are you unwell?” Carol was unconsciously rubbing her thumbs back and forth across the top of Therese’s knees, in what was meant to be a comforting gesture, although it was incredibly disturbing and disorienting to Therese. Each time Carol’s fingers moved, she felt as though licks of fire were burning across her skin.

“I feel… odd. Carol, I’ve never felt this way before. I feel sort of… light-headed and confused, like I don’t know what I’m doing,” said Therese, swallowing hard.  Everything she said was true; she simply left out her bizarre fixation on Carol herself and the sensation that her brain was exploding when she looked at her. _Minor details._

“Hmm,” Carol said. “Lean forward… can I… touch you?”

“Yes,” said Therese. _No! No, don’t do it. She’ll know, she’ll know_.  Therese felt her body disobeying her thoughts as she inclined herself closer to Carol’s kneeling figure.

Carol reached out and placed the back of her hand on Therese’s forehead, holding it there a moment before nodding. “Okay. Can you just lean forward a little bit more?”  Therese moved a little closer, her face only a few inches from Carol’s now.  _Fuck she’s beautiful_.  Carol’s slate-grey eyes locked with Therese’s as she moved her hand around behind Therese’s ear and gently placed her fingers on the back of Therese’s neck, holding them there for a few seconds. Therese closed her eyes and let herself feel the coolness of Carol’s hand against her skin.

“You do feel a bit hot, but nothing crazy,” Carol said. “I’ve got a thermometer in the bathroom, I’ll get it afterwards.  Just let me check your heart rate.”  Carol shifted slightly, pushing Therese’s legs apart as she raised herself up a little higher on her knees.  Therese opened her eyes in surprise, feeling her legs trembling uncontrollably as Carol’s closeness overwhelmed her.  “Shhhh… it’s okay…” Carol whispered. “You’re going to be alright.”  She steadied herself with one hand on Therese’s thigh while the other moved gently to place two fingers on the carotid artery in Therese’s neck.

“I’m just going to measure your heart rate for ten seconds, okay? Just breathe,” Carol said, a reassuring smile on her lips.  _Easy for you to say_. Therese tried to inhale and exhale normally, but struggled to do so; she found herself staring at Carol’s soft lips, which were silently counting Therese’s heartbeats as they pulsed under her fingers. _I want that mouth on me_ , Therese thought.

“Your heart is going a little fast,” Carol said.  _No shit_.  Carol got up, standing in front of Therese with her hands on her hips.

“Again, nothing too concerning, it’s not out of rhythm or anything, it’s just a bit fast. I’m going to get you some water.”

Therese let out a long and steady breath as Carol left the room. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.  She felt her mind starting to zone out as she stared blankly across the room.  Therese noticed several framed pictures on top of a sideboard on the opposite wall; photographs of people.  Therese squinted her eyes but couldn’t quite make out the details. One looked like a little girl; others were random blurry men or women, laughing with Carol, whose blonde hair and easy smile Therese could easily recognize in the photographs.  Therese felt an irrational pang of jealousy and let her body sag down deeper into the furniture.  She drew her legs up and crawled sideways until she was slumped against the pillows that were resting next to the arm of the couch.

_Oh great, they smell like her.  Et tu, pillow?_   Therese started giggling stupidly. _I’m delirious_.

Therese sank further into the pillows, hugging one to her body and letting herself settle down further into the sofa cushions.  Her breathing started to slow down as she inhaled the scent of Carol and felt her body relax.  She sensed flashes of blackness invading her mind as sleep began to overtake her thoughts.  She fought against it, but couldn’t seem to open her eyes. The darkness was too strong and she was too weak to fight it anymore.  Therese let go and fell into the shadow.

She had a dream that a hand was caressing her hair, brushing it back behind her ear.

She had a dream that a velvety voice whispered, “Sleep well, angel.”

She had a dream of a delicate kiss on her forehead.

She had so many wonderful dreams.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time... sorry 'bout it ;) But I figured, better a shorter update than no update at all.
> 
> I have a deadline for work so I'll be outta commish for a day or two (probably... although you never know since I keep saying that and then suddenly I have written another update).
> 
> I heard that song "Digital Witness" by St. Vincent today while driving, and it made me think of this story, like how Carol's presence is devouring Therese's mind at this point without her realizing it, kind of... when St. Vincent sings in this totally crazy voice: "I want all of your mind / Give me all of your mind / I want all of your mind / Give me all of it..."  
> And I was like, "werq". ;))
> 
> Thank you, as always, for your kind feedback and comments.


	6. A Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More excruciating slow burn that will make you want to murder me. 
> 
> Shit is getting turnt tho, you can tell ;))

* * *

 

_Therese,_

_You pretty much passed out so I decided to leave you to rest._  
_Please make yourself at home._  
_If you are still not feeling well, don’t hesitate to wake me up_  
_and I’ll have a proper look at you._  
_If not, I will get up by 5:00 p.m._  
_x. C._

 

Therese had already read the note twice, but she kept turning it over in her hands and reading Carol’s words.  _x. C. x. C._   Therese had woken up feeling much better; more like herself again. Carol had placed a blanket over her while she slept, and had left a glass of water on the coffee table, which Therese drank quickly when she woke up. All of the light-headedness and erratic breathing seemed to be gone, so Therese felt no need to wake up Carol now. 

It was already past 3:30 in the afternoon, so she could certainly wait for Carol until 5:00… but what was she waiting for, exactly?  In the clarity of day, and after sleeping deeply for more than six hours, Therese realized that her being here in Carol’s house was totally strange.  _We met yesterday. I don’t know her at all and I’m in her house while she’s asleep. That’s creepy, right?  Should I just get out of here?_

Sneaking out without saying goodbye would be odd too, though, especially after Carol had been so welcoming and caring this morning.  Given the note, Carol clearly didn’t mind Therese being in her house and sticking around for a while.  She would wait until Carol woke up and then make her excuses and go home, Therese decided.   _That’s the polite thing to do_.  In any case, after seeing ‘C. Aird’ on the roster for tonight, Therese knew that she’d be seeing Carol later on at work anyway.  Best to make things as normal as possible before leaving, especially after Therese’s embarrassing breakdown this morning.  _Really awesome impression you made, Belivet_ , she thought. _A freakout followed by a blackout_.

Therese felt herself blushing, remembering how gently Carol’s hands had touched her a few hours ago; how close Carol’s body had been to her own as she had taken her pulse.  _Stop. She’s a doctor and she was literally checking that I was okay. Stop being such a pervert_.  Therese traced her fingers along the back of her neck; her forehead; the pulse point under her jaw; everywhere that Carol’s hands had been.  She sighed as she remembered how Carol’s eyes had gazed into her own. _What does she see when she looks at me like that?_

Therese suddenly felt a little nauseous as she realized the truth: _She probably feels nothing. I am just some random girl from work that she let crash on her couch because I was too tired to drive. She probably just felt sorry for me._ Annoyed, Therese stood up and stuffed Carol’s note into her pocket.  _Fuck her silly 'x. C.'  Stop being crazy and figure out how to get over this weird crush, which was clearly brought on by the delirium of exhaustion._

Therese nodded to herself and walked down the hall out of the living room, looking for the bathroom.  The first door she came to was Carol’s bedroom, which Therese realized immediately since the door was half open and she could see the red nail polish of a pedicured foot hanging off the side of the bed.  She inched a bit closer and leaned against the doorframe, observing for a moment. She absorbed the sight of Carol’s blonde hair splayed across the pillow and her body rumpled up in the sheets and blankets. She had one arm flung up over her head, blocking some of the daylight from her eyes.  _Dammit, she’s adorable_ , Therese thought.   _No! Stop that. You are getting over this crush. You are totally getting over this ridiculous attachment right now. You will no longer think about her beautiful eyes… or her sexy mouth… or what her body would feel like against you naked… Oh, shit. I’m really bad at this._

Carol sighed in her sleep and rolled over.  Therese, terrified, bolted from the doorway and clumsily skidded down the hall, coming upon the bathroom where she threw herself inside and closed and locked the door behind her, breathing hard.  “Well, that was graceful,” she muttered.  Then she noticed another handwritten note, placed on top of a folded towel and a brand-new toothbrush on the counter:

_This toothbrush and towel are for you._  
_Go ahead if you want to have a shower._  
_x. C._

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Therese whispered. “Who the hell is this thoughtful?”  _She is not making this easy_ , Therese thought as she angrily stripped off her shirt and jeans. _But I will get over this attraction_ , she reflected as she turned on the hot water and started up the shower.  _She’s just a friend. A_ _co-worker. An acquaintance_ , she said to herself as she threw her bra and underwear on the floor and stepped into the shower.

Therese was halfway through washing her hair before she realized what she was doing. _Oh my God, I’m in her fucking shower.  When did I get in here?_   _What the hell is wrong with me?_   Therese froze as she realized that she didn’t have any clean clothes; she had some extra stuff in the car for when she went to the gym but of course she hadn’t brought that bag in this morning. _Perfect. So I can put back on my disgusting clothes that I worked and slept in, or I can streak across the road in a towel and make my humiliation complete._

On the plus side, Carol’s shampoos and soaps smelled amazing and Therese allowed herself to enjoy a few more minutes of indulgence before the panic started creeping back in.  She shut off the shower and grabbed the towel that Carol had left for her.  She forced herself to breathe calmly as she used the toothbrush and then helped herself to Carol’s face cream.  “Okay, just throw on your clothes again and go out to the car, get your bag and then you can change. No big deal.”  Therese smiled at her reflection in the mirror, relieved.

Then there was a soft knock on the bathroom door.  “Therese?”  _Son of a bitch._

“Um, yes?”

“I’m so sorry to bother you, it’s just that I really have to pee and this is the only bathroom.”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry. Just... hang on a second.” Therese looked around and saw her dirty clothes all over the floor.  _Oh, fuck it._   She kicked all her clothes into a pile in the corner and opened the door in just her towel.

“Hi,” said Therese.  Thankfully the towel was covering everything, but she still felt totally open and exposed at Carol’s surprised look.

“Well hello there,” Carol laughed. “I see you found the towel I left you.”

“Yes, well, thanks for that. Otherwise this moment might have been awkward, which clearly this is not at all,” Therese said, walking into the hallway and allowing Carol access to the bathroom.

Carol grinned at her as she passed by. “I wish I could say I was truly sorry, Therese,” she said with a smirk on her face, closing the bathroom door. 

 _What the hell does that mean?_   Therese stood stupidly in the hallway for a moment, before realizing that she should probably not stand directly outside the bathroom door like a complete stalker.  She wandered back into the living room and stared out the front window, seeing her car parked across the street.  _So close, but so far away. Damn._

Carol walked in a couple of minutes later, smiling again when she saw Therese in her towel.  Carol was dressed like a relatively normal person, in black leggings and another one of her white t-shirts.  “Therese, I really apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt you; I just woke up and this is such a small house, only one stupid toilet…”

Therese realized that Carol seemed a bit embarrassed too, and that made her feel better. She smiled back.  “It’s not a problem.  But actually, I realized that I have some fresh clothes that I can wear in the trunk of my car. Do you think you could get them for me?”

“Absolutely.  Give me the keys and I’ll go right now,” Carol said, pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail.  Therese pointed to her purse by the front door and Carol grabbed the keys, threw on some flip-flops and hightailed it out the door. When she came back, she was holding not only Therese’s gym bag but also a large black book.  Carol passed Therese her bag and waved the book in the air.

“Is this your photography portfolio?” Carol asked, excited.

“Well… yes, it is,” said Therese as she rooted through her bag, trying to find some semblance of an outfit that a non-deranged, completely lesbian-crush-free, totally normal-acting person would wear.  That was proving difficult to find in her bag of athletic wear while crouching half-naked in a crooked towel.

“I’m sorry that I grabbed it without asking,” Carol continued, “but I would really love to see some of your work. It would be great if you could show it to me…” She paused.  “Would you?”

“Sure, but after that, I really should be going…” Therese stood up with an armful of clothes, slowly inching her way out of the living room and away from Carol’s intense gaze.

“Oh,” Carol said, sounding disappointed. “I’m sorry, I guess I assumed that you were going to stay for dinner.  Don’t you have to go back to work tonight, same as me?”

“Yes; how did you know that?” Therese asked, surprised.

“Oh, I don’t know… I thought I saw your name on the schedule, you know, when I was… just… checking it yesterday,” Carol said casually.  She looked strained, as though what she said next was very difficult for her to voice aloud.  “Please stay for a little while, Therese.  I don’t want to sound too pitiful, but it’s so nice having someone else in the house. It’s so empty a lot of the time.”

Therese was surprised by Carol’s honest and rather melancholy admission.   _How can I say no to that?_

“Okay, Carol.  But I have one condition: I have to go put some clothes on.”

Carol laughed. “Fine, but just so you know, you are totally rocking that look.”  Therese smiled and went to change quickly in the bathroom, coming back to find Carol sitting cross-legged on the couch holding her portfolio book. _She’s so eager; that’s so nice to see_ , Therese thought. In fact, she couldn’t remember anyone else being so enthusiastic to see her photographs. Ever.

Therese sat next to Carol on the couch, also sitting cross-legged but facing Carol so she could more easily show and explain the photos.  “This couch was really comfortable, by the way,” Therese said. “Thanks again for letting me sleep here today, I obviously really needed some rest and I feel a lot better now.”

“Oh, good… did you sleep well, angel?” Therese raised an eyebrow. _Angel?_  Carol seemed flustered for a moment and clarified: “You…you looked like an angel when you fell asleep earlier, just so peaceful and still.  It was… cute.”

Therese looked at Carol for a moment, incredulous.  _Sleep well, angel._   She had dreamt of somebody saying those same words to her when she fell asleep.  And she had dreamt of a soft hand, smoothing her hair, and… a kiss?  _No fucking way_.  Therese kept staring at Carol until finally the older woman averted her eyes, seemingly nervous.  _Hmmm. Really._   Therese couldn’t easily believe that Carol would have said or done those things, though. They must have been dreams, surely.

But what if they hadn't been dreams?  In retrospect, it all seemed pretty real. Therese smiled to herself as she realized that finding out that truth could be very, very interesting. _And if I’m wrong, that’s fine too_ , she thought. _This will still be entertaining for me… let’s see if I can make Dr. Aird sweat._

Carol was still being quiet, looking around the room restlessly.  Therese reached out and took one of Carol’s hands in both of hers, entwining their fingers.  “Carol,” she said.

Carol turned to look at her, her luminous eyes wide. “…Yes?” she whispered.

“Thank you so much for taking an interest in my photography. It means a lot to me. And I think you’re really going to see, through these images, how much passion… and intensity… I have when it comes to my art.”  Therese beamed and released Carol’s hand.  “Now why don’t you turn to the first page.”

“Sure, yes, right…” Carol said, totally agitated as she opened the book. Therese noticed that her hands were shaking, ever-so-slightly.

Therese put an arm on the back of the couch behind Carol and leaned in a little closer as Carol turned to the first photograph.  _This is going to be fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do some 'adulting' over the past couple of days, but I somehow managed to churn out another chapter. LOVE ME OR HATE ME ;)
> 
> Life has been imitating art too, so frickin' odd. For one thing, the hospital (that I based the story on) called me today and asked if I could come in, so I might actually go there tomorrow. Also my friend and I had some great success at work on Friday and after a celebration drink he was like, "let's go sit on the the hood of your sports car and smoke a cigarette" and I was like wattttttt gtfo. And we did and it was awesome, and I was all, "we are serving up Carol realness" and my friend was like "who dat"
> 
> So I am loving my own story right now because it is bringing fun and luck into my life. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for your charming comments.


	7. An Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something to tide all you thirsty b*tches over... ;))

“Isn’t she beautiful?”  Therese traced her finger down the side of the page, which showed an image of a stunning young 20-something brunette with a brilliant smile, caught in a moment of laughter.  There were a few tendrils of smoke surrounding her face, framing and illuminating the girl’s cheekbones with wisps of grey, contrasting with her dark red coat. Her eyes looked tired, but there was pure delight in the young woman’s face.

“She is,” Carol agreed, pressing her lips together. “Who is it?”

“An old friend. Somebody I met in university, actually. I took that photo several years ago, when we were almost done our bachelor degrees.  We’d just written a really tough exam and we were so ecstatic that it was over.  I think we lit up a joint on campus and just laughed and hooted and hollered with excitement that we were done. It was a great feeling.”

“Oooo, Therese the rebel,” Carol joked.

“Ha! More like Therese the Arts student. I feel like most of my undergraduate degree was just doing whatever the hell came up.  It was a great time in my life.  I love this photo because her face is just so perfect: she is exhausted, but also so full of release and joy.  It can be overwhelming: feeling things sometimes that you aren’t able to process in the moment… so they are just bubbling out in whatever way they can.”

“Interesting,” said Carol, nodding.  Her eyes flicked up to meet Therese’s, and both women smiled before turning the page.  Carol had been admiring all of Therese’s photographs, asking questions about each one: where was it taken, who she was with, what Therese saw in the lines and colours of the image that perhaps Carol did not.  Therese would answer with passionate stories and descriptions, using her hands to vividly portray how she had set up a shot, or what unexpected things had happened on the day the photograph was taken.  Carol listened attentively, and was warm and effusive in her praise for Therese’s talent.

As they looked through her portfolio, Therese was acutely aware of Carol’s body next to hers. She marked every one of Carol’s reactions whenever Therese came into contact with her, which Therese was doing more and more deliberately.  Therese felt sure now that she had not imagined the soft words, the stroking of her hair, and the kiss from this morning when she had fallen asleep.  Now she just had to figure out what it meant.  _It’s a long shot, but there’s a chance that she feels something for me too_ , Therese thought _.  If I can only figure out how to make her admit it._

Therese had started by resting her hand on Carol’s knee when she was talking. She would move it to point out details on a photograph, only to let it fall back to its place as they moved on to the next image. Carol would smile nervously or bite her lip every time she felt Therese’s hand on her. Therese also had her other arm resting across the back of the couch behind Carol, and sometimes she would let it drop to Carol’s shoulder for a while when she was telling a particularly intense story. Therese would see Carol’s chest rising and falling more rapidly, and sometimes a pink flush would start creeping up her neck and into her cheeks.  Twice, Therese brushed a stray lock of hair back behind Carol’s ear for her, in a casual way, and let her fingers pass along the side of Carol’s neck for an instant. The second time she did it, Carol actually closed her eyes for a few moments and breathed in and out deeply.  As the minutes together stretched out into an hour, Therese could feel heat coming off Carol’s body and the air between them was practically crackling with energy.

Throughout all this, Carol never moved away, or stood up, or leaned back to get away from Therese.  In fact, she seemed to be subtly moving closer, turning herself more towards Therese as they spoke and looking at her intently with those radiant blue-grey eyes.  Therese felt herself melting into Carol’s eyes as a powerful glow began to spread through her body. When she began to feel an acute and pleasurable ache between her legs, Therese pushed herself up off the couch suddenly.  _Time for a breather_. Carol looked at her with a confused expression and shifted her position on the couch awkwardly.

“I’ll be right back,” said Therese, and walked at a leisurely pace across the living room and down the hall to the bathroom.  She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, smiling.   _How d’ya like me now?_  She felt confident in that moment that Carol had an attraction to her; she had been responding immediately to all of Therese’s touches and flirtations.  Therese grinned. She hoped that she was driving Carol nuts… the only problem was that she making herself crazy as well.  _It’s fucking hot in here_ , she thought, turning on the cold water tap and splashing her face.  _But it’s hotter out there_.

When Therese emerged again, Carol had her arms spread across the back of the couch and her head tilted back, breathing deeply.  “Are you okay, babe?” Therese asked, dropping down onto the couch beside her.  Carol lifted her head and smiled faintly at Therese.  _Oh shit. I let that one slip out again._

Carol had the portfolio book spread across her lap, open to a photo of a striking young man sitting on the ground against a brick wall, staring penetratingly into the camera. 

“Is that Richard?  Your ex?”  Carol asked, in a careful voice. _Richard? Ugh. Fucking mood-killer._ Carol’s voice sounded odd, though, as if she dreaded hearing the answer.

Therese laughed.  “What? Him? Hell no. That’s actually a model I hired for some editorial work.” Carol looked satisfied as Therese went on. “I would never have my awful ex tainting my portfolio. I only want stuff in here that brings me happiness, or at least a genuine emotional connection, whether good or bad.  When it comes to Richard, I feel nothing.  I feel like he is a stranger.  In fact, I barely even took any photographs of him the entire time we were together.  That should have told me something,” Therese finished.

“So... you don’t like taking photographs of your lovers?” Carol asked.

“I did not say that,” Therese said, looking Carol in the eye. “I just didn’t like talking pictures of him. He didn’t deserve my art.”

“No, it doesn’t sound like he did.  His loss, obviously. This is all very good work, Therese. It’s so interesting; so full of life.”  Carol let her eyes descend to Therese’s hand, which had once again found its way onto Carol’s knee and was absently drawing a pattern with her fingers.  “Well, if not… him, then what are your favourite subjects to shoot, Therese?”

“Hard to say… but generally, city things; I love living here and just taking it all in.  The people, the cars, the energy, the architecture, the alleyways… street art and graffiti is something that I always love to check out.  But, overall, it is people who are the most interesting to me these days, I find.  I didn’t used to be like that… I used to avoid everyone.  But now I feel the most drawn to certain people.”

“And what kind of people are you the most drawn to?” Carol asked.  She was still leaning back on the couch, arms spread out, and she fixed her steady gaze on Therese once again as she waited for an answer.

“Well,” Therese began, “Do you ever find that sometimes you meet someone, and you just want to know them? You want to know everything about them.  Hear all of their stories. Those are the people I like to photograph.  Sometimes they are people I know, but often not.  But even if I don’t ever see them again… if they let me take their photograph, I get to capture that moment, that flash of who they are. There’s always a spark of that unique essence in every photo taken of people like that. They are special… you know?”

“Yes, I’ve met people like that,” Carol said.  Therese watched as Carol’s cheeks flushed slightly, and then she took a deep breath and reached a hand out to cover Therese’s, which was still resting on her knee. “You’re a person like that,” Carol said quietly.

The words seemed to hang in the air between them for an interminably long time.  The silence that followed was so empty and hollow that Therese realized that both of them were holding their breath. _This is what you were looking for_ , Therese thought.  _You’ve been all over her for the past hour, and now this shit is happening. What are you going to do about it?_ Therese slowly exhaled, and turned her hand over underneath Carol’s so that their fingers interlocked together.

Carol just looked at her, an unreadable expression on her face. _Either I am wrong or I am right_ , Therese thought, _but I have to know_.  She shifted a little closer to Carol and asked the question:

“You kissed me this morning, didn’t you?”

Carol clenched her jaw and her face flushed even more.  Her eyes cast down, she stared vacantly at their linked hands.

“Yes,” she said.  “I kissed you.  It was just on the forehead; when I came back to put a blanket over you. You looked so beautiful; so lovely.  I know that sounds very strange… I’m so embarrassed. I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. I just wish you’d done it when I was awake,” Therese said, squeezing Carol’s hand lightly. Carol raised her eyes to meet Therese’s, who had fixed her green gaze on Carol’s exquisite features.  Therese smiled widely in reassurance, and Carol gave her a nervous smile back. Therese spoke again in a low voice:

“Do it again.”

Carol’s eyes darkened instantly, but she remained frozen in place, her breath picking up speed. She gripped Therese’s hand firmly and observed her silently, her grey eyes a roiling storm beneath the surface of calm.   _She’s always, always looking at me… I want her to do more than look._

“Kiss me again, Carol. I want you to.”

That seemed to finally snap Carol out of her trance. With her free hand, Carol reached out and wrapped her fingers around the back of Therese’s neck, pulling her towards her mouth.

Their lips met hard, and the passion that flared up immediately was a shock to them both.  Carol’s mouth was every bit as sexy and giving and hot as Therese had imagined it would be.  She let go of Carol’s hand and reached up to twist her fingers into her hair, pulling her closer, harder. Carol’s mouth opened and Therese felt her tongue slipping against her own.  She moaned as the sensation of kissing Carol sent shockwaves of pleasure through her body.  She had never in her life felt such electricity from touching another person.  Therese felt euphoric, and she couldn’t get enough.

Finally their lips broke off from one another, and they looked into each other’s eyes, only inches apart, breathing hard.

“We probably shouldn’t be…” Carol began.

“Oh, shut up,” Therese said, pushing Carol back against the couch and straddling her.  Therese wrapped her arms around Carol’s shoulders and pulled herself close, her lips finding Carol’s neck, kissing her beating pulse point and working her way up to her ear, biting her earlobe between her teeth. Carol gasped and slipped her hands up inside the back of Therese’s shirt, spreading her hands across the hot skin of her back.

“You feel so good,” Carol murmured, before pulling Therese in for another kiss. “You feel amazing.”  She kissed her again.  “But Therese, we have to stop this.”

Therese pulled herself back, Carol’s words igniting her anger instantly. _What. The. Fuck_.

“Why?” she asked, barely containing her confusion and irritation.

“For only one reason: we have to be at work in an hour,” Carol said. “I’m sorry, but look at the time.”

“WHAT?  How the fuck did that happen?  Jesus, Carol, how long was I flirting with you for?”

Carol laughed.  “A pretty long time, I guess. And I loved every second of it…” She pulled Therese closer and kissed the skin along her collarbone.  “… As much as I’d like to just stay here and… continue this…” Carol pulled down the side of Therese’s shirt and kissed her shoulder,   “… Well, I’m one of the Emerg doctors.  So, you know, it’s kind of important that I show up.  And that goes for you as well, actually.  We’ll have to continue this later… Soon, I mean.”

Therese was speechless. Her body was on fire and the idea of stopping herself from kissing and touching Carol seemed impossible.  Even as she was nodding and accepting that they needed to stop, she was actually pulling herself closer and moving slowly against Carol’s body.  “But I want you…” she whispered. Carol shivered and ran her fingers slowly down the warm softness of Therese’s back.

“I want you too…” Carol breathed. “And I’m going to have you.” She pulled Therese hard against her body. “…But I’m not going to rush it… you deserve much more than that.”

Therese could barely breathe, just thinking about what was to come. She groaned in frustration. 

“Just so you know…” Therese growled, kissing along Carol’s neck and back up towards her ear again, “I am going to make your life hell tonight at work.  You are going to pay for this.”

“Good,” Carol said, and she wrapped her arms tight around Therese, before turning them to the side and pushing Therese onto her back across the couch.  Carol hovered over her, her body hard between Therese’s legs, her lips parted and ready above Therese’s mouth.  Therese’s brain could barely function in reaction to the sheer wanton lust that she saw in Carol’s eyes.

“Carol…” she breathed, pulling her down closer, aching to feel her searing kiss again.

Carol sighed, and then let out a sudden laugh.  “Just five more minutes, then…” she said, letting her mouth and body melt down into Therese’s one more time.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjooooyyyyeeed this chapter.
> 
> Sexy scrubs coming up, and more slow burn to make y'all crazy.
> 
> Happy Monday!


	8. An Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More slow burn, more fooling around, more to love ;)

* * *

 

11:19 p.m.  “Yessss…. Fuck. I love this car. So hot. Go faster,” Carol called out, laughing. She leaned back in the seat and grinned at Therese. “Show me what you can do.”

Therese beamed, shifted into fourth and punched the gas.  The Challenger ripped down the street towards Southern Memorial in the dark.  They were almost there, and just in time.  Their five minutes of making out on Carol’s couch had turned into fifteen and they had had to scramble to get out of the house.

Therese didn’t know when she last felt so happy.  She and Carol had laughed hysterically as they threw all their gear into the trunk of Therese’s car and jumped in, frantic in their disheveled state. Therese didn’t even have any proper clothes for work, so she had put on her black jeans again and Carol had lent her one of her white t-shirts and a black blazer.

“Do I look alright?” Therese had asked at the front door, smoothing out a few wrinkles on the blazer and pulling her hair up into a simple ponytail.  Carol had walked over and grabbed Therese with both hands by the lapels of the blazer and pulled her in for another sultry kiss.

“Yes. You could wear a goddamn potato sack and look gorgeous. Now let’s go.”

Therese could still feel the sensation of Carol’s lips burning on hers as she drove.  She wanted to kiss her again and again and never stop.  She glanced over at Carol, who was fiddling with the radio.  She was ready for work, already wearing her scrubs.  Therese couldn’t believe how sexy she was making them look.  _Did I think that when I first saw her?_ Therese wondered. Therese smiled as she recalled all that had happened over the past 24 hours.

11:24 p.m.  They pulled into the parking lot, and as Therese put the car into park she felt Carol’s hand close around hers on the gearshift.  She glanced over and Carol was giving her the same look of hunger that Therese had seen back at the house before their final, wild session of fooling around. 

“Therese… will you come home with me again? In the morning?” Carol asked softly.

“I think you already know the answer to that,” Therese said, smiling at Carol.  She turned her hand to hold Carol’s and raised it up to her lips.  She pressed a kiss to Carol’s knuckles and then let go, unbuckling her seatbelt and taking her keys and I.D. in hand. “And you know that I can’t wait. But neither can work… so come on.”

 

* * *

 Dannie looked surprised when he saw Therese and Carol walk into the department together, but he didn’t say anything, probably thinking nothing of it.  _He would never imagine what we’ve been doing_ , Therese thought.  Therese stopped to go into the front desk area as Carol kept on walking down the hall to the physician’s offices.  Carol turned her head back as she walked and gave Therese a wink and a smile; then she was gone.

Dannie looked cheerful; they had a third admin person on tonight so they had a more relaxed night ahead of them, with less work to do and proper breaks.  Therese smiled to herself when she thought about how she’d like to spend her break tonight.

“So how was your day, girl?” Dannie asked. “Get up to anything fun?”

“Oh, not much… you know.  Slept on the couch, um… had a shower…”  _Kissed a hot woman for the first time…  So_ _fucking hot that I want to die…_ “Uh… anyway, I dunno, the usual. What about you?”

“Yeah, not much.  Can’t wait to be done work for this week. I’ve got concert tickets for Saturday night that I’m super pumped about…” Therese listened to Dannie, but her mind kept drifting back to Carol… her grey eyes burning into her, her hot mouth kissing all over her skin, her hands pulling Therese’s body tight against hers…

“Therese?”

“Huh? What?”

Dannie laughed.  “Still asleep? I asked if you would mind doing the admissions tonight. Chris is here too and he’ll look after all the clinic stuff and registrations.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure. I’ll go do that,” Therese said absently, and got up and walked dreamily towards the main area of the Emergency department.  Dannie stared at her and snickered as she tottered off.

Therese set herself up at the desk and started working through the departmental admissions for all the patients needing to stay longer-term in the hospital.  Therese knew that the faster she got each patient admitted to the proper floor, the calmer and more comfortable they and their families would be as they got to leave the hectic environment of Emergency. It was quickly sobering for Therese as she spoke to the families of the sick patients, and she found herself feeling guilty for being so distracted by thoughts of Carol.  _Do your job_ , she thought. _Do it well and put that gorgeous doctor out of your mind… for now._

Therese felt herself getting emotional as she checked in with psych patients; cancer patients; cardiac patients; trauma patients.  She found herself holding back tears as she spoke to mothers; brothers; wives; children.  It was a very unfamiliar and agonizing feeling for her.  Therese usually didn’t feel much of anything at all when at work.  Normally, she would shut down her feelings about what surrounded her at Southern so that she wouldn’t get too attached to the people or their circumstances.  She preferred to observe; to witness what happened and to exist on the periphery of the drama taking place in front of her.  She was the photographer, not the subject.

Tonight, she couldn’t seem to erect that barrier.  It was as though the past 24 hours had unleashed something within her that she could no longer control; along with the ecstasy and exhilaration of her time with Carol, there was now this dark aftershock. She found herself feeling raw and unprotected, and realized that the loss and grief that encircled her seemed more significant than ever before. She felt, for the first time in her life, that she actually had something to lose.  The thought terrified her.

It was made worse every time she caught a glimpse of Carol around the department. She was busy; that much was obvious.  Therese saw her moving from room to room, talking to patients, looking at X-rays, checking lab results.  She was so near, but so distant; not talking to Therese, not even looking at her. Therese observed her with conflicting feelings of total adoration and creeping dread. _She’s amazing. I want her so badly. But who am I? What could I be, to a woman like her? To have her and to lose her would be more than I could take._

Therese felt angry with herself.  _This is ridiculous_. She decided to go have a cigarette to clear her head. She just needed to talk to Carol, to touch her again, to kiss her again.  She needed to be sure that what had happened between them wasn’t just a delusion. She didn’t want to be alone in feeling this way.  _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Therese waved at Dannie and made a cigarette-smoking motion as she walked out the side entrance. Dannie nodded and smiled.  Therese went to her usual spot and sat down heavily on the bench by the flower garden.  She smoked one cigarette quickly and then lit another.  Her mind cycled through an endless loop of images of the stunning Dr. Aird, whom she had known for so short a time. Meeting her for the first time in the clinic at midnight. Carol’s tongue sliding softly into her mouth.  Carol in her sunglasses leaning against the car. Carol yelling at her and then apologizing.  Carol’s intense gaze as she touched Therese’s neck to check her pulse. Carol laughing and cranking up the radio while Therese drove. Carol’s hands sliding under her shirt. Carol admiring her photography and reaching out to hold her hand. Carol grabbing her by the collar and kissing her by her front door. Carol’s eyes… Carol’s eyes…

 _Oh my fucking God._ Therese dropped her cigarette.

_I’m falling in love with her._

Therese stared blankly at the flower garden for a few minutes, silently breathing in and out.   _Shit. This is fucked up._  Finally Therese stood up and walked mechanically back into the department.  She walked into the front office and sat down near Dannie, her face a mask.

“Hey, are you all good?” Dannie asked.  “You can take your break soon if you want. You’ve done all the admissions, right?”

“Yes,” Therese answered. She continued staring vacantly at nothing.

“Oookaaay,” Dannie said with a laugh. “Since you seem a little tired, I’ll point you in the direction of that coffee over there.  Dr. Aird brought it for you.  She brought one for me, too.  Nice, huh?”

Therese perked up. “Yes, that is nice,” she said, and walked over to grab the coffee from the counter. As she lifted it, she noticed a tiny folded note underneath the paper coffee cup.  She turned her back to Dannie and carefully unfolded it.

_I’m on break at 2:00.  Come find me in the physician’s offices. x. C._

Therese checked her watch. It was 1:58 a.m.  The realization that she would see Carol filled her with anticipation.  Despite her anxiety about what it all meant, the thought of Carol’s mouth on hers was enough to bring her back from the emotional edge.  _Don’t fuck it up. You know there’s something powerful between you.  You know she likes you.  Now go take what’s yours._

“I’m going on break, Dannie,” Therese announced, and without looking back she strode out of the office and down the hall.  Her black boots created echoes as she marched confidently towards the staff area, and as she approached she saw Carol just arriving, taking her keys out to unlock the door.  Carol glimpsed Therese when she was about twenty feet away, and the unflinching look in Therese’s eyes seemed to stun her; she almost dropped her keys.  A sly smile spread across Carol’s face as Therese walked directly up to her, crossed her arms and leaned on the door.

“Hello, Dr. Aird,” Therese said, and subtly licked her lower lip, raising her eyebrows at Carol.

“Hello, Ms. Belivet,” Carol replied. Her eyes seemed to darken to a stormy grey and she struggled to get the key into the lock.

“Nice note,” Therese whispered.

“I would have texted you… but I don’t have your phone number,” Carol mumbled, laughing. “Isn’t that awful?”

“What’s awful is that if you don’t open this door soon, the whole department is going to see me do things to you that might be viewed as… unprofessional.”

Carol hurriedly opened the door and they quickly filed inside, shutting the door behind them. The office was empty and dark, the only light coming from a small table lamp that had been left on atop another doctor’s desk.

Therese grabbed onto Carol’s waist and pushed her against the door.  She needed to feel Carol, now… touch her body, sense their erotic connection, feel everything that she was.  Therese pressed her body against Carol’s and whispered in her ear:

“Is anyone going to come in here?”

“I sure fucking hope not,” Carol laughed.  She gazed into Therese’s eyes. “I missed you…”

Therese felt her heart accelerate at the words. Her distress about the intensity of her feelings for Carol lessened slightly and she felt a surge of determination.  She lifted her thigh and pressed it hard between Carol’s legs.  With one arm, Therese pulled Carol’s body closer towards her, and she lifted her other arm to steady herself against the door.

“Mmmm, fuck.” Carol’s breath choked out as she felt Therese’s firm thigh moving between her legs. Therese was focusing on Carol’s eyes, watching them dilate as she shifted her position and pushed harder.  Carol contorted her arms between their bodies and wrapped them around Therese’s neck, pulling her towards her lips. “Kiss me,” Carol pleaded.

 _I love you_ , Therese thought. She let Carol drag her mouth onto hers, and their lips met tenderly, kissing over and over.  Carol moaned when Therese let her tongue glide into Carol’s mouth and their kiss grew deeper. They moved as one, lips and bodies connected, and the only sounds were soft sighs and sharp gasps as Carol’s centre ground against Therese’s leg.

Carol pulled away from the embrace and tried to still Therese’s movements by gripping onto her shoulders. “Stop, stop,” she groaned. “I don’t actually want to… you know…”

“Cum for me?” Therese smirked. She stopped moving against Carol but tilted her head to the side and stretched out to bite the side of Carol’s neck. “Don’t you want to show me how I make you feel?”

“I do… I do want to cum for you… so much… fuck.  Just not here, not like this… I want to see you, I want to tear all your clothes off… I want to be with you all day long. I want to fuck you properly,” Carol sighed, leaning her head back as Therese continued tasting the skin of her neck.

Therese felt a knife-edge of lust cut suddenly between her legs at Carol’s words.  She released herself from Carol’s grasp and took a small step back.  She swallowed and looked into Carol’s eyes, which were dark pools of craving reflected back at her.

“I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want that,” Therese admitted.

A silence fell between them as Carol’s gaze confronted her. Carol’s breath was still coming in shallow fits and starts and her mouth was open slightly as she exhaled heavily.  _Shit. Did I say too much?_   Therese panicked. _Maybe this is just a lay for her._

Then Carol reached out and grabbed Therese between the legs.  Her thumb pressed hard against Therese’s clit and her fingers pushed stiffly against the seam of her jeans, seizing total control of Therese’s body and mind.  Therese couldn’t even speak; she just let out a long, low moan of desire as Carol pulled Therese back towards her, their bodies crushing against the door.  _Jesus, she’s pulling me by the cunt_ , Therese thought incoherently.

“I have never wanted to fuck someone so badly,” Carol said, massaging her thumb against Therese’s clit. “Is that what you want me to do, Therese? Are you going to come home with me? Are you going to fuck me too?”

Therese could barely get the words out. “…Yes,” she panted. “Yes, I want it…”

Carol grinned, and was just reaching out her other hand to weave her fingers into Therese’s hair when her portable phone rang.  “Shhhhh…” Carol whispered, and grabbed the phone from her pocket.

“Hello? Dr. Aird here,” Carol said, holding the phone with her left hand while still handling Therese’s crotch with her right.  Therese stared at her, stunned by her uncontrollable lust for Carol, whose fingers and thumb were still gently moving between her legs.  “Mmm-hmmm, okay, so what did the resident say?” Carol continued talking as if nothing was amiss.  “Alright, I’ll come talk to them. Maybe we can discharge the man home for now and set up a referral.  Okay, bye.”

Carol put her phone back in her pocket and released her grip on Therese.  “Duty calls, babe,” she said casually.  Therese felt like her brain had stopped functioning as she gazed stupidly at Carol, who was fixing her hair and smoothing out her scrubs.

Carol turned to go, but changed her mind at the last moment and spun back around. She placed a hand on the side of Therese’s face and leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the lips.

“Enjoy the rest of your shift. I’ll see you around… and in a few hours, you are mine.”  With that, Carol opened the door and disappeared, leaving Therese alone, panting and overheating like an animal.

 _Holy shit._ Therese fought to regain control of her senses and her libido.  She realized that she should probably get back to work too, but she couldn’t seem to move.  She leaned back against one of the desks and steadied herself for a few minutes.  _She did it to me again_ , she thought. _She is making me crazy._  She laughed a little, shaking her head disbelievingly.

_In a few hours, you are mine._

_You are mine._

_... I am yours._

* * *

 

 

Bonus YASSSSSS:  Dr. Aird ;))

(thanks TouristSeason for showing me this pic earlier ;)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise they will fuck soon, for realz.
> 
> Prepare for seat-wetting... ha ha ;))


	9. OMG just fuck already.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um... FuckFest part 1?
> 
> See also: chapter title.
> 
> Here's a hint: THEY HAVE SEX. AND IT'S PRETTY DIRTY.

* * *

 

Therese drove along Westwood in silence, trying to focus on the road. Carol was in the passenger seat and Therese could feel her eyes flickering across her as she drove. It was a loaded but playful stillness that sat between them as Therese tried to remember how to drive a car properly.  And how to breathe. And how to be a human being rather than what she actually felt like, which was a robot built for sex.

The rest of the night shift had passed by in a haze; Therese had stumbled out of the physicians’ office shortly after Carol left and had attempted to get back to work.  She went to sit up at the front desk for a while to help Dannie, and he had to ask her very seriously if she was alright.

“You look a little sweaty and weird, girl; do you need to go home?” he asked, concerned.

“NO!  Not yet. I mean… soon. I’m fine. Really. I’m just hot. I guess I overheated… somehow. I mean, jeez, don’t you ever get hot?” Therese knew she was rambling and Dannie’s expression made it obvious that he wasn’t buying it.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’re, like, squirming all over the place.  Are you in pain or something?” he asked.

 _IT’S MY CUNT_ , Therese wanted to yell.  Instead, she took a deep breath and stood up, careening off towards another part of the department to avoid Dannie’s meddlesome questions.

The remaining hours had been exquisite torture.  Therese tried her best to focus on her work, but her thoughts kept revolving back to Carol.  All the sweet and sexy things that Carol had said to her since they met… _Sleep well, angel. You looked so beautiful; so lovely.  You feel so good.  I want you… and I’m going to have you.  Are you going to come home with me?  Are you going to fuck me too?_ Therese attracted strange looks from both patients and co-workers as she quietly hyperventilated at her desk.

A few times Carol had walked by, and she would pause for one excruciating second and meet Therese’s eyes with her own.  A tiny raise of an eyebrow or a hint of a smile would accompany her glance, and then Carol would be gone again.   _You fucker_ , Therese thought.

Now that those hours of agony were finished and they were finally in the car and heading back to Carol’s house, Therese was essentially a stuttering wreck of a person _.  I wonder if I’ll literally die when she fucks me_ , she idly pondered. _Well, that would be fine. I’ve had a good run._

Carol was moving her fingers slowly across the back of Therese’s neck, scratching across her skin and occasionally winding her fingers into Therese’s hair and pulling it slightly, enough to cause a shiver of pain that made Therese gasp soundlessly and grip the steering wheel even tighter.

“Focus on the road, honey,” Carol reminded her.

“I’m trying… it’s just that every time you touch me…”

“Do you want me to keep my hands to myself?” Carol asked.

“No, dammit.  Touch me more,” Therese urged, shifting gears and accelerating past a slow-moving SUV.

Carol’s other hand slid onto her thigh, squeezing it tightly before letting her fingers drop between Therese’s legs, where they traced up and down the seams of her jeans, along her inner thighs.  She let her hand rub between Therese’s legs before skimming her fingers down towards her knees again. Therese shifted in her seat and inhaled deeply. “Mmmm, god… You’re a bitch,” Therese said under her breath.  Carol laughed, and then pulled her hair again.

“That’s what you get,” Carol replied, looking smug.

Therese’s Challenger sailed up Carol’s street and screeched to a halt outside her house.  Therese thrust the car into park, flipped off her seatbelt, and turned to Carol, her eyes darkened into hard emeralds. She seized Carol's face in her hands and pulled their mouths together hungrily in a deep kiss before releasing her.

“Take. Me. To. Bed.”

“With pleasure.”

 

* * *

 

_I can’t believe I am waiting for this hot bitch again. I am going to kill her._

Carol had practically kicked down the door to her own house and the two of them had kissed and groped each other through the foyer and down the hall.  When they got to the bathroom Carol stopped and pulled herself away.

“Give me just five minutes to shower. Please… I didn’t have time to yesterday and I want to feel… you know… my best… and I don’t want you to be put off by me…” Carol said.

“I doubt that’s possible. Seriously…? For fuck’s sake… fine. Just let me brush my teeth and I’ll be counting to… whatever five minutes is in seconds.” Therese rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t really be angry at Carol.  _How can she look so absurdly hot just standing there in her crumpled scrubs?_

“You’re killing me here,” Therese sighed.

“I know,” Carol smirked, and disappeared into her bedroom for a minute while Therese used the bathroom.  Therese washed up quickly and went to wait in Carol’s bedroom, giving Carol a cut-eye as she strutted by in her bathrobe.  Once in Carol’s room, Therese felt at a loss.  _Should I strip? What the hell am I doing?_  In the end she realized that her work outfit was hardly sexy, nor were the ‘extra-gym-clothes’ bra and underwear she had on underneath, so she took it all off, kicked everything under Carol’s bed, and got between the sheets naked.

Therese lay back on the soft pillows that smelled of Carol and sighed. _This is awesome_. She heard the shower turn off and her stomach turned in anticipation.   _Try not to die._

Then Carol walked into the room wrapped only in a small white towel and Therese wasn’t sure she would survive.  Carol hopped onto the bed and collapsed right next to Therese, a wide smile on her face.

“Hi, babe. Thanks for waiting,” Carol said.  “… Are you wearing anything under there?”

“What do you think?” Therese replied, propping herself up on one elbow.

“May I…?” Therese nodded, and Carol lifted the sheets back slowly and exposed Therese’s body to the cool air.  Carol sucked in a breath and moved closer. She placed a hand on Therese’s waist and drew her fingers up her side, her thumb brushing against the side of her breast.  Therese shivered and tried to breathe as Carol’s eyes and fingers burned through her skin.

“You are so beautiful. Do you know that?” Carol whispered. “I thought so the minute I first saw you.”

“Well, you're beyond gorgeous, Carol. Even if this towel you’re fucking sexy.”

“I wanted to rip your towel off you yesterday, you know. Prancing around my house half-naked. What a little tease you are,” Carol said, her eyes darkening.

“You’re one to talk,” Therese laughed, and grabbed at the front of Carol’s towel. Their eyes locked as Therese held on the material for a moment, before pulling it off her body and throwing it off the side of the bed.  Therese gaped in awe at the sight of Carol’s beautiful figure, but not for long as Carol let herself descend onto Therese’s frame, their hot skin meeting from head to toe at last.  Carol sighed in delight as their bodies flowed into each other, legs interlocking and breasts pressing against each other as Carol moved to kiss her.

 _So warm, so soft, so fucking perfect_ , Therese thought as Carol’s lips and body merged into hers.  _I have never felt anything like this._

Carol was moving gently against her, her leg pushing against Therese as her mouth joined with hers. Carol’s tongue licked at her bottom lip and Therese moaned and opened her mouth to allow their tongues to slip against each other. One of Carol’s arms moved around underneath Therese’s back while the other was holding herself up, her fingers softly stroking Therese’s hair and face as their bodies moved together, creating a searing heat. Therese felt overcome with desire; she draped her arms around Carol’s strong back and skimmed her fingers over the muscles she could feel moving under Carol’s skin.

Carol moved her lips down to Therese’s neck, kissing and licking her way down to her shoulder where she bit into the soft flesh there. Therese gasped at the aching pleasure Carol created as she nipped and tasted her skin, moving down her chest. She stopped just before she got to Therese’s breasts.

“I want you to know something,” Carol said, looking up. “I don’t normally do this… with someone that I just met.”

Therese had to laugh. “I don’t care! Just don’t stop… please. Please, Carol. Don’t worry, I want this as much as you do.”

Carol smiled and dipped her head down to take Therese’s left nipple into her mouth, sucking it hard. Therese sucked in a hot breath and grabbed onto Carol’s head, pushing her harder against her body. Carol pulled Therese closer and moved to her other breast, driving her crazy as she teased and pinched and kissed her tits until Therese was writhing and moaning obscenely underneath her.

Carol let up for a minute and moved back to Therese’s mouth, kissing her forcefully and nibbling on her lower lip before releasing it.  Carol then began to speak in a low and sensual voice:

“I want to fuck you so badly. I want to make you cum, Therese. Would you like that?”

“Fuck, yes. I want that… I need it,” Therese said, barely able to catch her breath to speak.

“Good girl…” Carol said, moving her right hand downward.  She trailed her fingers between Therese’s legs, trembling as she felt warm wetness coat her hand.

“You’re so wet,” Carol groaned. “You’re so fucking hot. I can’t take it.”

“I can’t stand it either. Carol… please…” Therese begged.

“Please, what? What do you want me to do to you?” Carol asked, a slight smirk on her face.

“I want to feel your mouth on me. I need to feel your tongue. Now,” Therese panted, threading her fingers through Carol’s hair and pulling her back to her lips for another kiss.  Carol’s eyes darkened to a gunmetal grey, and she kept them fixed on Therese’s eyes as she slowly kissed her way down her body until she was positioned between her legs.

Therese let out a loud moan at the first feeling of Carol’s tongue sliding across the lips of her cunt. Therese panted hard as Carol sucked her clit into her mouth and gasped out, “Yes… oh fuck…” 

Carol grinned and released her clit, moving down to slide her tongue inside her.  Therese let out an incoherent sound and held onto Carol’s head and pulled her deeper as Carol fucked her with tongue. _I am dead_ , Therese thought. _I have fucking died and gone to heaven, and paradise is right here with Carol’s tongue inside me._ She felt her body twisting and trembling uncontrollably as Carol’s lips and tongue created sparks of pleasure that she could feel building in intensity. Therese arched her back and sighed and moaned as Carol worked her over.  It was the best thing Therese had ever felt in her life.

“Shit!” Therese cried as Carol suddenly replaced her tongue with two fingers.  Therese looked down and Carol had lifted her head up.  She was watching Therese as she slowly fucked her with her fingers, and there was a definite look of cocky determination on her face.  Carol thrust into her a bit harder and curled her fingers up inside her.  Therese almost cried from the sweet bliss that Carol’s hand was producing deep inside her.

“Do you like that?” Carol asked, her eyes just dark fragments of slate as they searched Therese’s face. Carol smiled as she watched Therese’s eyes widening, and her mouth opening and closing as she tried to breathe.

“Yes… yes… I love it,” Therese panted.   _I love you._

“Do you want more?” Carol reached out her tongue to lick Therese’s clit, just once, and softly.

“FUCK! Yes, more, do that again,” Therese cried, grabbing onto Carol’s hair, running her hands down her arms, reaching for whatever part of Carol she could touch.  Carol leaned down and sucked and licked Therese’s clit while sliding a third finger inside her.  _Oh my god._ Therese saw stars and had to cover her eyes with her hands for a moment, just to have one less sense on overload.  She kept her eyes closed and just focused on her other senses: the feeling of Carol’s hand fucking her; the sound of Carol’s tongue slipping across her clit; the smell of sex in the room.  Therese could hear Carol breathing heavily with effort as she fucked her, and sometimes Carol would moan in pleasure and the sound coming from her lips would vibrate through Therese's cunt. _So fucking good…_

"Mmmm, Therese, you taste so sweet..." Carol whispered.

“Carol… yes… fuck… I’m going to cum soon… don’t stop…”                                                       

But Carol did stop.  She pulled herself up and hovered over Therese, leaving her hand inside but stilling the motion to an excruciating slow fuck.  Carol leaned down and claimed Therese’s mouth with her own. Therese tasted herself on Carol’s lips and felt a quiver deep inside. Carol kissed her again and again, still driving her hand inside Therese at an unbearably slow pace. Finally, she whispered into Therese’s ear:

“Do you want to be fucked hard?  Do you want to cum hard for me?”

“Yes… yes… I’ll do anything you want,” Therese pleaded. “I want to fucking cum for you.”

“Then turn over. Get on your hands and knees. Now.”

Carol pulled her hand out of Therese and grabbed at her hips, turning her over on the bed and pushing her up onto her hands and knees. “Stay like that,” Carol whispered.  Therese panted hard as she felt Carol’s hands tracing lightly across the skin of her back.  They moved down the backs of Therese’s thighs and up the insides, parting her legs a bit more.  There was a pause, and then Therese shuddered as she felt Carol’s tongue licking at her again from behind.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Therese repeated over and over as Carol’s tongue entered her and made her cunt even more wet.  Therese felt raw; stripped down of everything that she was. Nothing mattered but Carol’s mouth.  When the feeling of Carol’s tongue disappeared, she groaned in disappointment. “No… please… I need it…” she mumbled.

“Shhhhh,” said Carol’s voice behind her. Therese swallowed and took a deep breath. She felt one of Carol’s hands circle around her hip and dip down between her legs, circling her clit gently.

“You are going to cum now, Therese. You’re so fucking beautiful. Now shut up and take it.”  Carol plunged her hand back into Therese’s cunt from behind, hard.  Therese could only scream as Carol’s fingers fucked her mercilessly, her other hand firmly on her clit, applying pressure that made brilliant flares of hot lust shatter through Therese’s body.  Carol fucked her so well, so sensually and ruthlessly at once, that Therese never wanted it to end.  But she could feel the blazing edges of her orgasm slinking through her as Carol pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

“Cum for me… do it Therese… I want to fucking see you cum…” Carol thrust her hand even harder into Therese, putting her full force behind each stroke, and grinding the fingers of her other hand against Therese’s clit.

“Yes… yes… mmm, Carol…Oh my god…” Therese opened her mouth in a silent scream as her orgasm hit her, a radiant wave of silvery passion that flashed through her, glowing and igniting deep inside before blazing through her body, searing every nerve ending with pleasure. “Fuck… oh fuck…” Therese kept whispering, feeling each swell of lust break over her as Carol’s hand continued to move deep inside her. Therese felt tears running down her face as the rush of cumming by Carol’s hands overwhelmed her.  The orgasm seemed to last forever, surging through her, until Therese realized that she had collapsed down onto the bed and Carol was kissing the back of her neck.  She felt Carol’s warm body curl up behind hers, and she smiled as Carol moved an arm across her back to take Therese’s hand in hers.

“Hi,” Carol said. “How are you feeling?” She kissed Therese’s shoulder.

“There are no words,” Therese mumbled. “I’m dead. I think you killed me.”

“That bad, huh?” Carol laughed.

“Totally.  That was awful. Jeez, Carol, what a disaster,” Therese joked.  She turned over to face Carol and kissed her lips softly.  “That was amazing. Thank you.”   _I love you._

Carol smiled at her, an earnest smile that made Therese’s heart hurt.  She brushed her fingers down the side of Therese’s face. “Do you want to rest for a few minutes? We’ve got all day…” Carol grinned. “And I am so excited to spend all day in bed with you.”

Therese didn’t have the words to express to Carol how awakened and alive she felt around her. The idea of doing this again and again was almost too much to process.  She kissed Carol one more time, and then rested her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes.  

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed what I was able to produce so far… there’s clearly more to come (Carol’s turn, obvs + pun intended). I think I can actually do better ;))
> 
> I went out of town last night and inadvertently got fucking annihilated and stayed up til 5am… guess I needed to blow off some steam! So finishing this part and uploading it was pretty much a gargantuan effort. Hopefully this chapter is enough for now to tide over horny readers ;)  
> I guess I’ll write more later, after some sleep and whatnot blah blah zzzzzzzz blerg
> 
> Thank you for your support and always-entertaining commentary
> 
> p.s. I think I need a cigarette after writing this.


	10. Cunts and Fucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm... more fucking. That is all, pretty much.
> 
> YOU'RE WELCOME

 

* * *

 

Therese opened her eyes and sighed in contentment.  She was still lying with Carol, her head on her shoulder.  Therese could see only creamy skin and golden hair as she snuggled into Carol’s neck. The sweet smell of her; the way her arms were wrapped around Therese’s body; everything felt wonderful. _How can I not love her?_ Therese thought.

She could feel that Carol had fallen asleep; her chest was rising and falling evenly underneath her. Therese wondered how long they’d been sleeping for.  They had been up all night at work, though, and after the stupefying orgasm that she’d had when they got home, Therese must have simply passed out on Carol for a while.  _And she stayed here with me_. She hugged Carol closer and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

Recollections of earlier this morning began to flash through her mind.  Carol’s mouth all over her; kissing and licking and biting everywhere.  Carol’s hand holding onto her hip, steadying her before she reached around and played with her clit.  _Fuck that was good_. Her cunt still ached pleasurably from Carol’s amazing fucking; when Carol had been pounding her from behind it had hurt a bit, but it had also felt so incredible and she had cum so hard all over Carol’s hand.  _She’s so hot, it’s insane_ , Therese thought. _I never want to leave this bed._ Therese felt herself getting restless and fidgety being so close to Carol’s warm body. She could feel Carol’s breasts pressing up against her and she wanted to touch them, to take them in her mouth.  She wanted to know what Carol tasted like.  She wanted to know what Carol sounded like when she orgasmed. She wanted to know everything.

Therese backed up slightly, giving herself room to look at Carol objectively.  _Yep, still a knockout_.  Carol’s skin was smooth and pale and perfect, her face still and lovely in repose, and her flawless breasts rising up and down as she slept were like something from a vision. _It’s like seeing Venus_.

Therese felt suddenly inadequate in the face of such immaculate beauty.  Even though Carol was obviously attracted to her and wanted to have sex, Therese couldn’t help but wonder if that was all she wanted. _I want more. I want it all._ Her thoughts made her feel a bit dejected and uncertain.

Therese extricated herself from Carol’s embrace and slowly got out of the bed.  Carol mumbled in her sleep but didn’t wake up. Therese wandered naked down the hall to the kitchen and got herself a glass of water.  She stood by the back window and gazed out into Carol’s backyard, which was small and quaint. She noticed a couple of bicycles on the back deck; two big ones and a small one.  There were no flowers or potted plants, she saw.  Therese knew that Carol probably hadn’t been in the house long; maybe a few weeks or a month.  _I should buy her some plants_ , she thought. _No, wait, that’s a little weird.  Hi, I barely know you, but I decided to bring over some motherfucking hydrangeas.  Because that’s normal._

Therese sighed and turned away from the window.  She saw a bowl of fruit on the kitchen island and grabbed an apple.  She realized that she had barely eaten at all over the past day.  She had been so preoccupied with Carol and her overwhelming presence that it had barely even occurred to her to eat or drink.  _Shit. I’ve got it bad_.  Therese wandered over to the fridge as she ate her apple and looked at all the magnets and notes stuck to it; hoping to piece together something more about Carol and her life, which she realized she knew next to nothing about.  There wasn’t much there to work with: Carol’s shift schedule for Emergency, a timetable for a local pool’s lane swim, a scrawled grocery list. The only photos were several black-and-whites of a young girl who looked about five years old. _Who is it?_ Therese wondered. _A friend’s child?  Carol’s niece?  Maybe… it could be… her…_

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Jesus!” Therese jumped in terror and turned around to see Carol standing in the doorway, naked, with arms crossed.  “Oh my god, Carol, you scared the shit out of me.”

Carol unfolded her arms and stalked towards her like a pale shadow.  Therese stood frozen in place as Carol approached, unsure of what to do.  Carol edged up to her, standing right in front of Therese without touching her.  Therese watched, mystified, as Carol reached up and plucked the half-eaten apple from her hand and took a bite, staring hard into Therese’s eyes as she chewed and swallowed.

“I don’t remember saying that you could leave the bed,” Carol said in a low voice.  Therese opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.  She felt totally off-kilter and Carol standing naked right in front of her was incredibly distracting.  Carol regarded her with amusement and took another bite of the apple before setting it down on the counter behind Therese.  She placed her hands on Therese’s hips and started rubbing her thumbs into the sensitive flesh inside her hipbones.  She backed Therese up slowly against the kitchen island.

“I do remember saying that I wanted to fuck you properly,” Carol continued. “Do you remember that?”

Therese managed to find her voice again.  “Yes…” she mumbled.  She steadied herself on the counter behind her, feeling off-balance by Carol’s forcefulness after appearing suddenly out of nowhere.

“Good.  You gorgeous little thing.  Mmmm, I could fuck you all day long. You just take it so well… don’t you…?” Carol reached between her legs and skimmed her fingers across her lips, gathering up some of the wetness that had started to pool there without Therese realizing.

Therese could feel her mind starting to fracture as Carol’s hand moved slowly between her legs. _She barely even has to do anything and I’m ready to go_ , she thought.  But she found herself looking distractedly at Carol herself: her creamy skin, her luscious breasts, the blonde patch of hair between her legs… _I want her. I need her._

“What do you want?” Carol whispered. She was sliding her fingers, leisurely, back and forth across Therese’s cunt and it was driving her mad.   _I want to make you feel this way… I want to hear you scream…_

“I want… you… I want to taste you. I’m dying to… know… I need to…” Therese struggled to get the words out.

Carol paused. “Oh really? You want to taste me? Right now… just when I was going to fuck you again?”

“Yes… I want to… I want to eat you. I want to… fuck you,” Therese breathed. She reached out her hands and caressed Carol’s face, before sliding her hands down to her shoulders and softly stroking the skin there.

Carol smirked.  “I don’t know… You did leave the bed. Maybe you gave up your right to fuck too. Why…” Carol slipped a finger inside her, “should I…?” Carol pushed deeper, “…let you…” harder, “go down on me?” Therese gasped and grabbed Carol’s hand, pushing it deeper into herself one more time before pulling Carol’s finger out slowly.

“I’ll do it here. I’ll do it right here,” Therese begged. “Right now.”

Carol just looked at her, in apparent disbelief.   _Hasn’t anyone ever wanted her so fucking badly that they couldn’t wait another goddamn second?_ Therese dropped her hands down to Carol’s breasts and held their weight in her hands, rubbing her thumbs across her nipples. “I want you right now…” Therese whispered.  She pulled Carol closer, dropping her mouth to her shoulder and biting down lightly on the flesh. “Please, Carol…” she breathed, turning them around and pushing Carol against the counter, before kissing down towards her breasts.  “…Let me lick your cunt. I want to taste you so badly. I want to feel your pussy in my mouth.  Please…”

She bent down and took one of Carol’s nipples between her lips and the blonde woman’s resolve seemed to crumble; she drew in a sharp breath and pulled Therese more tightly against her. Therese sucked on Carol’s tits before sinking down further and kissing Carol’s stomach as she slowly descended onto her knees.  She looked up at Carol, who was standing over her with a look of dark desire in her eyes.  She gazed at Therese for a few moments, seemingly dazed by the turn of events.

Then Carol spread her legs and leaned back against the counter, gripping the edges tightly with her fingers.

“Go ahead, Therese,” she whispered. “Do it. I want to cum in your mouth.”

_FUCK_.  Therese felt her own cunt tighten at Carol’s words.  She ran her hands slowly up Carol’s legs and pulled herself closer to her centre. She looked up at the gorgeous woman above her and saw that Carol’s eyes were black with want, and her mouth was open as she breathed slowly in anticipation.  _You’re mine now._

Therese reached out her tongue and licked the length of her cunt slowly from bottom to top, savouring the flavour and feel of her first taste of Carol.  _Oh my god. So good_.  Therese grabbed onto Carol’s ass and got to work, her tongue sliding and tasting every part of Carol’s pussy.  _So addictive_.  Therese felt drunk on the sensations surrounding her:  Carol’s juices spreading all over her face, the taste of her spilling into her mouth as she pushed her tongue inside Carol’s hole, the deep moans Carol made when Therese sucked on her clit. Even though Therese had never done this before, it was as though she already knew what to do _. I was born to do this,_ she thought _.  I never want to do anything else._

Carol was still holding onto the counter with one hand, and the other was now stroking Therese’s hair, occasionally pulling her face harder against her when Therese hit a sensitive spot.  Carol would hiss when Therese suckled on her clit, and she started slowly grinding against Therese’s face. “More… please… I need you… to fuck me…” Carol moaned.

Therese smiled, and slid two fingers into Carol, sucking hard on her clit as she pushed her hand deep inside.  “Yes…! Fuck yes…” Carol cried out.  Therese added another finger and Carol started having trouble staying upright.  Therese held on to her firmly around the waist with her free arm, and kept on fucking. Carol was making incoherent noises and pushing her centre deeper into Therese’s mouth.

“Mmmm… fuck… fuck me harder,” Carol panted. “I’m so close… Please…”

Therese pulled herself off Carol’s cunt for a moment, leaving her hand deep inside. “What was that, Carol?” She raised an eyebrow and pumped her hand once more as she looked up at the beautiful woman standing above her; spread wide for her and only her.

Carol’s face was flushed red and she was more beautiful than Therese had ever seen her. Her hair was disheveled; her lips were swollen; her skin was glistening with sweat. She was gorgeous.

“Please… please… my angel… don’t stop…” Carol pleaded. “Please… make me cum…”

Therese grinned to herself and slowly, excruciatingly slowly, leaned forward and began to lick and taste Carol again. She could feel the wetness of Carol’s cunt flowing down her hand as she fucked her. Everything was like a dream as she kissed and sucked on Carol’s centre as she filled her up from the inside. She could hear Carol moaning and muttering, “fuck… shit…” over and over above her, but Therese stayed in her trance, fucking Carol harder and harder while focusing her tongue on her clit. She could feel Carol’s legs trembling and she held onto her body tighter, tighter as she felt pulses beginning deep inside Carol’s body.

“Fuck… YES… that’s it baby, FUCK I’m…” Carol threw her head back and screamed out a loud moan of passion as Therese felt Carol’s body release into her, cum dripping down her arm as strong pulses tightened around the hand held deep inside Carol’s cunt.  She stayed fixed in place as Carol rode out the waves of her orgasm, holding onto her body as Carol struggled to stay upright, sighing and swearing as her body gave itself up to the pleasure Therese had given her. Finally the throbbing inside Carol slowed down and Therese felt her legs giving way.

Therese helped Carol lower herself to the floor next to her, where they sat in a jumble of sticky limbs and lips, kissing over and over again.  “Mmmm… fuck that was great,” said Carol, leaning her head on Therese’s shoulder.  “You are so bad.”

“And you tasted so good.  Just like I thought you would,” Therese said, grinning and kissing Carol on the forehead.

Carol laughed. “Oh my god… You were fantastic. I loved that. I love you.”

Therese was stunned into silence.  Carol suddenly realized what she’d said, and quickly backed away from Therese, uncomfortable.  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Before Therese could even react, say or do anything, Carol had gotten up and walked away. Therese looked around, confused to find herself left there, abruptly alone on the floor. “What on earth…?” she mumbled.

_Well, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they'll do something other than fuck next chapter...? Maybe. Looks like some minor angst on the horizon.   
> (But only minor I promise)
> 
> The title of this chapter was dedicated to all the hilarious comments that people have made on this story. Cheers!


	11. Sad Bastard Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some minor angst, just to keep y'all on your toes... ;)

* * *

 

Therese sat on the floor, dumbfounded at Carol’s actions.  _She said ‘I love you’… and then left me here on the floor like garbage.  What in the everloving fuck?_

Therese was suddenly furious.  She pulled herself up and stormed down the hall to find Carol.  It wasn’t hard; the blonde doctor was sitting on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands.  She looked so pitiful that Therese felt a momentary pang of distress, but her anger overrode it. She found herself yelling from the doorway before she could stop herself.

“HELLO?  Carol?  Hi… do you remember me?  I’m that woman you invited into your house… twice actually… and then fucked half to death?  You may remember me going down on you about five minutes ago. I don’t know, you disappeared so fast it’s hard to tell if it actually happened or not.” Therese paused, her rant coming to an abrupt end.

Carol looked up, her face unresponsive.  She dropped her hands to her knees and sighed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have walked away from you,” Carol said.  “I just… I can’t do this, I can’t be feeling this way right now.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Therese asked, livid all over again.

“Excuse me?”

Therese took a deep breath, trying to control herself.  “I… I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.  Feeling what way?  And why is whatever you’re feeling so terrible?”

Carol sighed.  “It’s complicated,” she said.  “Look, Therese, you don’t know what’s going on in my life right now… I shouldn’t have done this with you. I think I just let myself get caught up in a moment… and that was a mistake.”

 _Oh no you didn’t_.  Therese clenched her jaw.  “A… mistake,” she repeated. _To think… I thought that I was falling for her._ _That was the mistake_.  Therese swallowed and shook her head.

“Fine,” she said.  “That’s just wonderful.  Well, thank you for a great day. So glad I came over here.”

“Don’t be like that,” Carol sighed. “I just need to think. I have to… figure out some stuff.”

“Can you vague that up for me?” Therese snapped. “And don’t tell me how to be. I’m perfectly fine being exactly how I am.  And I’m leaving now, so you can go ahead and think all you want.”  She walked around to the other side of the bed and dropped down to her knees, reaching underneath to retrieve her clothes.  She stretched out to grab her t-shirt, which she realized was actually Carol’s. _Fuck her. Fuck her t-shirt. Fuck fuck fuck._

“Shit…” Therese muttered, looking for her bra and underwear. “You fuck me like a champ, you cum all over my face, and now you’re saying you just… what? Can’t? Go fuck yourself.”

When she raised herself up again and turned around, Carol was standing in front of her. “Don’t go,” Carol said softly. “Please. I’m sorry.  Just let me explain.”  She reached out a tentative hand and rested it on Therese’s hip. Her fingers were hot on Therese’s skin.  Therese felt as though Carol were marking her, branding her, burning her flesh into her own possession.

Therese looked up and met Carol’s eyes.  They were pure blue now, vibrant and electric.  Without words, they were pleading with Therese to stay, to listen, to sink into her gaze and never leave.  _No. You can’t seduce me again with your fuck-me eyes._

“Remember how you said that you don’t normally do this?” Therese asked, quietly. “…That you don’t normally fuck someone you just met?  Well, neither do I.  In fact, I have never done any of this before. I have never slept with a woman before. I have never felt this way before. So maybe you’re right. Maybe this was a mistake. Because feeling like this is fucking terrifying.”

Carol reached out her other hand and placed it on Therese’s waist, pulling her a few inches closer.  Therese could feel her body responding, even though her mind was pushing back against Carol’s touch. _Even my own cunt is rebelling against me_ , she thought. _Goddamn it_.  She struggled away from Carol’s arms.

“No.”  Therese backed up onto the bed and started pulling on her jeans.  “I’m going home. Whatever it is that you’re dealing with, just… figure it out.  Or whatever. I’m not going to stay here and be your little plaything while you change your mind every thirty fucking seconds.” She paused. “And I’m keeping your t-shirt.”  She pulled it over her head and stood up.

Carol didn’t say anything; she just crossed her arms over her perfect breasts and looked down at the floor.  Therese exhaled heavily, turned and walked out.  She didn’t look back as she strode through Carol’s house and grabbed her purse from where she’d dropped it on the living room floor.  As she was pulling on her shoes by the front door, Carol appeared again, wearing a bathrobe. She walked haltingly towards Therese and stopped a few feet away from her.

“Therese…” she said, hesitating.  “I’ll… I’ll call you.”

Therese scoffed.  “Carol.  You don’t have my number.”  She opened the front door and was gone.

 

* * *

 Therese was driving fast on the expressway heading east.  She wasn’t sure where she was going, but it felt good to just drive.  She had chosen her favourite sad-sack playlist to listen to… her own compilation of what she called "sad bastard music.”  She played these songs when she felt like indulging in a melancholy mood, and it usually made her feel better. Or worse. _Does it matter?_

She kept on driving and found herself not too far from her apartment.  With a sigh, she got off the expressway at the next exit and slowly cruised along the main street of her neighbourhood, idly observing the mundane happenings of people going about their daily business.  It must have been around lunchtime; there were lots of people out grabbing lunch, buying coffees, running errands. Therese felt a twitch of nausea when she saw a cute couple having a meal together on the patio of a popular local restaurant.  _Eating together. Being normal.  Not hiding in the dark, seduced by some dangerous beauty._

Therese turned up the music and drove on.  She didn’t know how to feel about everything that had happened, so she found herself feeling nothing at all.  _I am an echo. I am a cold dream. I am wrapped up in silver chains._

Therese pulled up to her apartment building and swung around the back, her tires squealing to a halt in her parking space.  She shuffled upstairs, unlocked her front door, dropped her keys and bag on the coffee table and slouched down the hall into her bedroom.  Exhaustion overcame her easily after two days of minimal sleep and food and maximal emotional chaos.  She collapsed down on the bed, still fully clothed, and closed her eyes.  _Forget about her. Forget about her.  Forget…_

 

* * *

 

  _A hot mouth was on her, everywhere on her at once.  Therese moaned as lips and teeth kissed her skin, licked down her chest, bit gently at her lips. “You are so fucking beautiful…” said a voice. “I love you…”  Therese struggled under the scorching body that covered her, that consumed her.  She tried to say ‘Stop’, but what came out was, ‘More…’  There were hands now, grasping at her thighs, spreading them apart, trailing searing fingers between her legs. “You are so wet… I can’t take it…” Therese whimpered and tried to wrap her arms around the shadowy figure above her, but her hands kept sliding off the surface of the flesh.  “You gorgeous little thing… Do you like that?” Therese sighed and spread her legs further apart; “Yes… yes… I love it…” The fingers rubbed between her legs; a tongue reached out and licked at her softly. But it was not enough… it was never enough… “More… please…” She was clutching at the beautiful apparition, but its hands were peeling away from her skin, the lips were kissing her goodbye, and the voice was fading away. “I love you…”_

Therese opened her eyes.

“FUCK!”  She threw her pillow across the room. “GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!”

It was dark outside.  Therese rubbed her eyes and was aggravated to find a few wet tears sliding between her fingers.  She groaned and slowly rolled out of bed, making her way to the kitchen. The fridge was empty except for two beers that Dannie had left there last week.  Therese cracked one open and drank huge gulps of it down as she went to turn on the shower.  She didn’t have to go back to work tonight, so it didn’t really matter what time it was or what she did now.  She stripped off her clothes in the bathroom, dropping everything on the floor. She found herself holding Carol’s t-shirt to her face for a few seconds and breathing in the faint scent of her. _Stop it._ More beer was poured down her throat to wash away the memory.  She stepped into the shower, bringing her beer with her.

The raw fury that Therese had felt this morning at Carol’s had faded during her long sleep. The frustration she had woken up to after her vivid dream was also washing away as she let the hot water stream over her.  These were now replaced by a familiar feeling of nothingness, and Therese let herself wallow in it.  She stayed under the hot water until it, and her drink, started running out.

In her towel, Therese went to kitchen, grabbed the last beer and flopped down on her couch.  She dug her phone out of her purse and checked the time: 8:35 p.m.  _Good. I slept for ages._  Despite everything, she was feeling relatively okay.  _That’s probably the beer talking._

There were several texts from Dannie, sent in the afternoon.  Therese relaxed back into the couch and checked them.

 

_12:11pm - Dude! Are you asleep?  
Didn’t see you leave this morn_

_1:02pm - Hey!  Do you want to go for a drink tonight?  
We can meet up late… like 9 or 10?  I’m going to sleep now_

_6:50pm - I'm boooorrreed  
Get up T.  Let’s go out tonight_

_7:33pm – WTF wake up_

 

Therese laughed and typed back a reply.

_8:38pm - I’m a maybe. Just got up.  
Where do you want to go?_

 

Therese sipped her beer and waited for Dannie to reply.  _Maybe getting wasted would actually be the best thing to do right now. Screw everything and just forget_. 

She noticed that there was a missed call and a voicemail from three hours ago, from a number she didn't recognize.  Therese hesitated before pressing the voicemail icon. She had a funny feeling in her stomach as she entered her password and put the phone on speaker.  One new message.

 _“Therese… it’s Carol.  I called the hospital and asked for your number from the Emerg directory. I’m sorry for doing that… I know I shouldn’t have… I just… I’m not working for the next few days and I wanted to speak to you. I was horrible… earlier. Will you forgive me…?  Listen… if you’d like to talk, just call me back on this number, or you can text me. I’d really love to talk to you… if you can. Okay.”_ There was a long pause, and then the call ended.

Therese closed her eyes.  “Son of a bitch.”

Her phone dinged.

_8:41pm – Let’s go to that new place on Crawford._  
_Have a few cocktails & there’s a band_  
_Meet there at 10? – D._

Therese stared at her phone miserably for a minute, before taking a deep breath and starting to type.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will she dooooooooooo
> 
> p.s. Totally stole "Can you vague that up for me?" from BtVS because I always loved that line.
> 
> p.p.s. Who wants to know more about the Sad Bastard playlist?


	12. Red Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG HERE IS YOUR CHAPTER. Lol
> 
> This is getting real up in here. You people were like ANIMALS on that last chapter, being all "THERESE, YOU FUCKING CUNT" lol... I mean, I don't want to laugh, but I did find it just a *little* bit funny. Protagonists don't have to be likeable all the time, ya know...? ;)) But I understand that y'all are very protective of these characters and that is cool and totally understandable. AND, I realized that you care a whole heck of a lot about this story and what happens in it, which is awesome.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter has some nice feels for you; some of those... what are they called..?? Oh yeah. Emotions.
> 
> p.s. I did make a playlist of "Sad Bastard Music" on Spotify. It was what I thought a late-20s hipster Therese might listen to. You might like some of this, you might not. (+ put a song from High Fidelity on there for Ashley1983 ;)  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/swwrighter/playlist/6hq1ii8IqAhyB8rJr4VuS0

* * *

 

Therese entered Carol’s number into her phone and opened the messaging app. _What do I say?_   There was no question that she was going to get back to Carol; the moment she had heard that voice again, it was over.  _What was I so mad about again?_

Therese felt a bit sick as the recollections of the things she’d said before leaving Carol’s house came back to her. _Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with me?  Why was I so mean to her?_  She felt her face getting hot as she remembered storming out of Carol’s this morning in a snit. She couldn’t remember the last time she had acted that way; totally irrational anger and spewing bile before she could stop herself. In fact, the way she had been acting since she met Carol was all completely abnormal and disconcerting to her. _I don’t know what I’m doing.  And even though some of this shit is awful, I can’t stop._

Therese sighed. _You know why you freaked out. You’re in love with her and she was rejecting you.  Also, you might be a crazy person right now._  She took another gulp of her beer and tried to think of what she could say to fix this.  She tried to recall all the things that Carol had said to her.  _She did say that what happened was a mistake. She said that she couldn’t do this… Shouldn’t do this. That she needed to think… figure stuff out.  Just because she called doesn’t mean that any of that has changed._

_But she did call._

Therese took a deep breath and started typing and re-typing:

~~Hello. I’m sorry too.~~

~~I’m an idiot for leaving~~

~~Please forgive me~~

~~I would love to talk to you Carol~~

~~Come over~~

~~I love you too, you know~~

 

“This is the fucking worst,” Therese muttered. “Enough.  Just call her up like a goddamn human being.” Therese erased the last of her aborted texts and clicked on Carol’s number before she could change her mind.  It rang and rang before she heard Carol’s voice.

_“You have reached Carol Aird.  Sorry I missed your call. Please leave your details and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you.”_

 

 _Aaarrggghhh_.  _Even her voicemail greeting makes me want to have an orgasm_.  Therese cleared her throat.

“Carol.  Um… hi. It’s me. Therese. Thanks for calling. I want to talk to you too… I want to… ask you things. And I want to say I’m sorry for leaving earlier.  I said some awful things to you and… I don’t know why I reacted like that.  Actually, I do know why. I think.  Anyway, well… I think I’m going to go have a drink at this place on Crawford; it’s called Artemis. If you get this and you want to talk, still… Call me back and… I’ll come and meet you, or we can just chat on the phone… we’ll figure it out.  Bye.”

_I love you._

Therese turned her ringer up to maximum in case Carol called back.  She texted Dannie to say she’d come meet him for one drink. That was better than waiting around her apartment, hoping for a message from Carol and wallowing further into self-pity.  _Snap out of it_ , Therese thought to herself. _Grow the fuck up._

Therese got dressed and put on a bit of makeup, looking at her reflection in the mirror with trepidation. _I look ill.  … More blush_.  She still had a bit of time to kill so she started tidying up her apartment.  _Just in case_.  Washing up a few dishes, Therese realized she had not cooked a proper meal at home in weeks; the plates and mugs had only held toast and coffee. _This is sad.  I need to buy some real fucking food and clean this place up. Maybe paint it._   She was struck by a sudden urge to make her apartment more sophisticated; more adult; more refined. _The kind of place that she would like. If she ever comes here._

Dannie texted to say that he was on his way to the bar.  Therese put on her leather jacket and grabbed her wallet, keys and cigarettes and headed out.  Her phone was burning a hole in her back pocket as she tried desperately not to think about it ringing.  _Please call. Please call me, Carol_.  Therese lit a cigarette as she strolled down Crawford towards the bar.  The cool night air and the walk did her good; she felt her nerves calming and tried to put the last 48 hours in perspective.  _We don’t know each other at all,_ she realized.  _We had some great sex but we have barely fucking spoken about anything else.  But all I want right now is to see her again._

It was just after 10:00 when Therese arrived at the bar.  Dannie was chatting up the bartender, but passed her a beer and gave her a hug before continuing his flirtation.  _Fine by me. Leave me alone_.  Therese slouched onto the bar stool next to him and sat facing outwards, quietly observing the patrons of the bar.  It was a Friday night, so it was actually pretty busy and there were lots of attractive young men and women crowding the place.  Therese saw a glimpse of blonde hair over by the pool table but she knew instinctively that it was not Carol.  _I would feel it. I would feel her eyes._

Therese sipped her beer and watched everyone. Everything. She took endless photographs in her mind of every face, every laugh, every kiss, every hand reaching out to hold another. Therese found herself wondering how any of these people could even date each other.  _Who are they? They all mean nothing.  They are nothing to me.  Nobody else is her, and she is nobody else.  Not even close._

Therese realized something with a jolt.  _If I can’t have her… then there is nobody else. Because nobody else could ever make me feel the way she does._ There was actually some comfort in that thought, strangely enough.  There was a certain finality to it; a clear answer to the question that she had been asking herself all her life.

Dannie went off to play some pool when he realized that Therese was not really in a conversational mood.  She tried to make an effort to smile and be friendly but her thoughts were elsewhere: as they had been for the past two days, they were always, always on the blonde doctor.  She finished her beer and stared blankly across the bar, fixating on the bright red door of the bar’s entrance.  _Maybe I should go home.  I just have to go through that red door. It is calling my name. I need to go through that door now._

She felt her phone buzz in her back pocket.

 

_10:36pm:  It’s Carol. Are you still at Artemis?_

 

Therese’s heart skipped a beat and she quickly replied:   _“Yes”._

 

_10:37pm:  I’m outside._

 

Therese almost dropped her phone on the floor.  _Fucking yes_.  She stood up, shakily, and walked slowly across the bar.  Everything else ceased to exist as Therese drifted across the floor. She heard no sounds. She saw nothing. She felt nothing.  She just had to make it to the red door, and Carol.  When Therese reached the door, the bouncer opened it with a smile for her, and she stepped through it into the fresh night air. 

Carol was there, standing on the sidewalk.  She had her hands in her pockets and an impenetrable look on her face.  Therese walked over to her and tried her best to remain composed.  “Hello, Carol.”

Carol looked at her, really looked. Her eyes searched Therese’s face and she tilted her head slightly as she seemed to come to a decision.  She took her hands out of her pockets and reached out, pulling Therese into a sudden and forceful hug, wrapping her arms around her tightly.  “Hi,” she whispered into Therese’s ear. “I’m glad I found you.”

Therese gripped onto Carol as if her life depended on it.  _Well, maybe it does_.  She breathed in Carol’s scent and nestled her face against her neck.  “I am so sorry,” Therese said faintly.  “I shouldn’t have left like that… I was so rude to you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I think I’m losing my mind.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Carol said, rubbing her hand up and down Therese’s back. “I’m sorry that I said what happened between us was a mistake.  I don’t think that it was.”  She pulled back slightly, holding onto Therese’s shoulders.  “You know… maybe we shouldn’t do this here. That whole table by the window in the bar is watching us.”  Carol laughed, and Therese felt delirious with happiness to hear the sound.

“Want to come to my place? It’s only a 10-minute walk away.” Therese asked. “We can talk there… and… other... stuff.”  _Oh god_.

Carol laughed again. “Sure. Let’s go.”  She let her right hand trail down Therese’s arm and then held onto her hand.  “Is this okay?” Carol asked, squeezing her hand.

 _Even if nothing else happens tonight, I could die happy_ _holding her hand_. 

“Yes,” Therese said. “It’s wonderful.”

* * *

 

They walked along Crawford in pleasant silence.  Therese had tried to apologize to Carol and talk more as they walked, but Carol wasn’t having it.  “I just want to hold your hand right now,” Carol said, smiling at her. “We have a lot to talk about… but right now, this is perfect.”  Therese had to agree; it was perfect walking with Carol down her street, heading to a place where they could be alone. She couldn’t help grinning. _I can’t believe she came to find me._

All of a sudden Carol stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh my god,” she said. “I forgot.”

Therese was taken aback. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Carol said, pulling her by the hand into the entrance alcove of a closed coffee shop. “Stand right there. I have to take care of something.”

“What’s the matter?” Therese asked, watching as Carol pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

Carol stepped towards Therese and gently pushed her back against the wall.  “I forgot to do this.”  Then Carol’s lips were on hers, her tongue was in her mouth and her body was pressed up hard against hers.  _Fucking yes. Again._   Therese grabbed onto Carol’s ass and pulled her even harder, breathing fast at the startling yet familiar feeling of Carol’s body pushing aggressively into her own.

Carol was sucking and biting down the side of her neck and all Therese could do was throw her head back and close her eyes to the amazing sensation of Carol’s mouth on her.  “Yes… mmm… I missed you,” Therese mumbled, her hands moving up quickly from Carol’s ass along her sides and under her shirt.  Therese sighed at the simple feeling of Carol’s hot skin under her fingers. She traced them along Carol’s ribcage and stomach and up towards her breasts, moaning as Carol’s lips made their way back to her mouth and kissed her again, again, again.

Finally they took a breath and Carol backed up a couple of inches.  “I missed you too,” Carol finally said. “I am sorry that we fucked it up today. We could have been doing this all along.  But we will work it out.”

“Yes… I want that. I do,” Therese replied, blinking hard and pressing her lips together.

Carol peered at her curiously.  “Therese… are you crying?”

“No… well, maybe a little,” Therese admitted. “Carol… I’m just so… happy… and… I’m so… I’m so fucking… hungry.”

Carol laughed out loud.  “What?”

“I am fucking starving. Seriously,” Therese said, wiping her eyes and trying not to laugh. “I have barely eaten since I met you. It is actually crazy. I feel silly saying it.”

Carol seemed to think it was hilarious.  “You know, I think I’m actually in the same boat.  That’s it, we are ordering a pizza when we get to your place. Christ. What a shitshow we are, Therese.”

Therese dropped her hands to Carol’s waist and pulled her in for one more kiss. “Let’s go home, babe.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will likely be more 'action' (i.e. fucking) in the next part. I'm honestly just too exhausted to have added that to this chapter, so... well... this 6-second clip pretty much says it for me:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lob5tFOm_3Y
> 
> hahahahahaha ;))
> 
> I am really tired so I did struggle a bit to finish this chapter. As always, your feedback is appreciated. <3


	13. "For She Had Eyes..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therese's apartment... Part 1? (of conceivably a million since I love a good tangent)

* * *

 

Therese reluctantly let go of Carol’s hand as they approached her building.  With every step they had taken, walking together hand in hand, she had felt their connection building again.  Therese was elated.

Therese smiled lightly at Carol and unlocked the front entrance door of her building.  “Come with me,” she said, placing her hand on Carol’s back and leading her through the foyer.  She led Carol up the stairs and yelped when she felt Carol’s hand on her ass.

“Can’t you even make it upstairs?” Therese laughed, turning around.

“Nope,” said Carol, looking up at her from the stair below.  Therese was slightly taller than Carol as she stood above her in the dimly-lit stairwell.  She placed her arms over Carol’s shoulders and pulled her in, leaning down to plant a kiss on her luscious mouth.  Carol smiled against her lips and draped her arms around Therese’s waist.  She let one hand fall down onto Therese’s ass again, grabbing it and laughing into their kiss. Carol dropped her hand down lower, and from behind she sawed her fingers between Therese’s legs, along the seam of her jeans. Therese inhaled sharply through her teeth.

“What’s the matter?” Carol asked, pulling away from their kiss.

“Nothing…” Therese blushed.  “Well, my cunt hurts a bit. From before.”

“Lovely,” Carol laughed.  “Well, it’s going to hurt some more later. If you want it to.”

Therese felt a flash of wetness at the thought of Carol fucking her again.  She was suddenly angry at her own crotch for being in slight pain.  _Suck it up, cunt_ , she thought. _You’re fine._

“I want to do lots of things with you,” Therese said.  She released her hold on Carol and kept walking upstairs to her place. She could sense Carol watching her as they climbed the stairs, and as she unlocked the door of her apartment. _Those fucking eyes of hers_ , Therese thought. _I love them watching me._

 

* * *

Therese left Carol to hang out in the living room while she ordered some pizza from the place down the street.  Afterwards, she looked in the kitchen for something else to offer Carol while they were waiting.  _This is so embarrassing. I have nothing._

“Um… how about some tea?” Therese called out.

“Sure,” Carol replied from the next room.

Filling the kettle and leaving it to boil, Therese rejoined Carol, who was looking at a series of black-and-white photos mounted on the wall next to the window.  These were a selection of the images that Therese had developed during her months working at Southern Memorial.  Some were curious shots of the old hospital buildings; some were candids of co-workers: nurses, orderlies, other doctors who were not named Aird. _I don’t know if I wish there was a photo of her up there, or if I’m relieved that there’s not._

“These are interesting; are they all from work?” Carol asked.

“Yes… and I might be able to use some of them for one of my classes at the university.  I’ve actually taken a lot of photos in Emerg. Sometimes the patients will ask me... if they’ve gotten to know me, or if they see my camera.  It seems a bit weird but it happens more than you’d think.  Sometimes it’s a kid with his parents, wanting some dumb picture with his new leg cast to show his friends… and sometimes, with the chronically sick ones, it’s one last family portrait.” Therese pointed to a photograph of three women; two daughters flanking their mother in her hospital bed.

“Hmm. You obviously see a different side than I do,” Carol said. “I mean, I’m always just rushing around, trying to diagnose quickly, and just get people moving. You actually get to really talk to them; see more of the big picture.”

“Don’t try to diminish what you do there, Carol,” Therese said. “You’re an excellent doctor. I’ve seen you.”   _And I watched you, and I wanted you._

Carol smiled at Therese, and the genuine appreciation in her face made Therese’s heart hurt.

“What’s this one?” Carol tilted her head and pointed to a photo of a hand holding a locket, the chain wrapped around the fingers.

“That one... it’s a friend’s necklace.  She actually came in to Emergency as a trauma patient while I was working, not too long ago.  It was a car accident.” Therese took a breath and continued.  “I recognized her because of that necklace: she wore it every day.  The paramedics had removed it from her neck and I saw it and asked for it.”

“So is that your hand in the photo?”

“No… it’s her sister’s.  She came in to Emerg shortly afterwards and I gave it to her,” Therese said.  “I asked her sister to hold it for me for a minute so I could take a photo of it; you know, to remember what it looked like.”

“And what happened to your friend? The one who wore the necklace?” Carol asked.

“She was VSA when she got there. I knew she wasn’t going to make it.”  Therese turned away from the photograph and looked out the window into the street.

“I’m sorry,” Carol said. She came up to Therese and wrapped her arms around her from behind, leaning her head on Therese’s shoulder.  “It’s terrible when that happens. When it’s someone you know.”

“It was awful... but… honestly, when I was there, when it was happening, I felt nothing,” Therese admitted, still staring blankly outside.  “I should have been sad, but I wasn’t. I was numb. Isn’t that horrible?”

“No. It’s that place. It does things to you. You never look at life and death the same again,” Carol said quietly. “It takes its toll. And it’s hard to survive it all alone.”  Carol’s words hung in the air between them _. I don’t want to do this all alone_.

“You know…” Therese began. “I was surviving. I never used to feel much when I was at the hospital, and that was fine with me. In fact, I never felt very much when I was anywhere. Or at least I didn’t, until… I met you the other night. Now I can’t seem to stop.” Therese finished, her voice unsteady. She wanted to turn around, but she couldn’t bear to be examined by Carol’s piercing blue-grey eyes again.  

“Stop what?”  Carol whispered into her ear.

Therese’s hands held onto Carol’s encircling arms and she closed her eyes, hoping that by not looking at anything, what she was about to say would be easier; maybe it would seem like a dream.

“I can’t stop… everything… anything. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop being nervous, and excited, and upset, and happy, and miserable… and then so fucking ecstatic again.  When I see you, I feel... everything. Everything there is.”  Therese hesitated, not knowing whether to say more. _I can’t stop falling more in love with you every time I see you. I can’t stop myself from wanting to overturn my entire life for you._

Therese felt Carol’s arms embrace her more tightly, and her right hand stretched up and placed itself on Therese’s chest.  “You have a lot going on in this little heart of yours, don’t you?”  Carol asked quietly.

“Yes,” Therese admitted. She turned her head towards Carol. “Where is the heart again, Carol? I mean… Dr. Aird…?” she giggled.  “Which side is it on?”           

“It’s right here.”  Carol smiled and slipped her hand underneath the bottom of Therese’s shirt.  “It’s between the lungs. So it’s pretty much in the middle of your chest…” she moved her hand up Therese’s stomach and between her breasts… “with just a slight tilt to the left.”  Carol had her hand placed over Therese’s heart, her fingers resting against the fullness of Therese’s breast. They remained like that for what felt like forever, breathing together, Carol’s lips brushing gently against Therese’s shoulder. _My heart… my heart. I can’t take it._

The kettle clicked off in the kitchen.  Therese felt Carol jump slightly at the sound, and her grip loosened. Therese winced as she felt Carol’s hands pull away from her, and her heart felt bare without Carol’s palm protecting it.  Therese turned around at last as she felt Carol back off.

“Let’s get that tea. I… I have to tell you something,” Carol said, and to Therese’s relief Carol reached out and took her hand again to lead her towards the kitchen.  Before Carol turned away, Therese saw something significant in her eyes; they had become a shifting storm.  They were a grey shadow. They were smoke; they were iron. In those few seconds, Therese knew two things with certainty. Having already heard and seen the evidence from her Dr. Aird, she now had no doubt.

_She’s in love with me. And she is afraid of losing me too._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me. I had a rough week & this didn't end up being exactly what I thought it would be, but I guess that's what happens. Not to be completely debbie downer about it all, but the necklace story was true & I couldn't stop thinking about that memory lately, so I felt a strong need to write about it. Not exactly sexy & I'm sorry for that. But it is what it is.
> 
> Obviously Carol has to drop her truth bombs now. I've written a lot of that part too, so I might update again soon. More fluff and smut to come & less angst


	14. "The Web of our Life..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth bombs!
> 
> There is a quite a bit of dialogue in the beginning, obvs.
> 
> Then some other stuff. (shall I vague that up for you?)

* * *

                                                                                                                                                                

Therese watched, detached, as plumes of tea billowed like gathering clouds through the hot water in her cup.  She was trying hard to remain open and ready to listen to Carol, but she felt like a raw nerve, exposed and stripped.  She fought within herself to not shut everything down: she needed to feel the fear, to feel the anxiety about what Carol would say. If she didn’t feel those things, would she lose everything else too?  Therese felt within her an unease; that the agony of love she felt for this woman could drift away like a vapour, if she let it.

They sat at her tiny kitchen table, side by side. Carol had her hand on Therese’s thigh, and although this touch wasn’t creating the same intense sensation of delirium in Therese that it usually did, it was still a comfort.  _Don’t let me go. Please._

The pizza had arrived just as they were sitting down to talk, and Therese had jumped out of her skin at the sound of her door buzzer.  She mechanically paid the poor delivery boy while barely making eye contact with him. She gave him a massive tip in exchange for her lack of manners, and he called out, “Have a great night!” as he ran down the stairs.  _We’ll see._

“You should eat something,” Carol said, rubbing her hand up and down Therese’s leg.  Carol hadn’t touched the food either, the pizza box still sitting closed on the table in front of them.

“Carol, please… just tell me what you have to say,” Therese sighed.  “Then I’ll see what I can stomach.”

“Okay.”  Carol took a deep breath. “There are two things you need to know. The first one is really important, and if you aren’t okay with it, that’s totally fine. But it’s a non-negotiable aspect of my life.”

“Alright,” Therese said, and forced herself to look into Carol’s eyes. _Shallow pools of ash. I have burnt myself out in those eyes_.

“I have a child.  I have a daughter.” Carol watched her intently to gauge her reaction, her hand unconsciously gripping onto Therese’s thigh a little harder.

“Okay…” said Therese.  This wasn’t totally unexpected, so she was pleased at her own genuine reaction of acceptance upon hearing the news.  “Well... that’s wonderful, Carol.  Were you worried that it would put me off?” she asked. “It doesn’t. I saw a few photos of her around your house, I think?”

“Yes,” Carol said, relieved. “That’s her. Rindy. She doesn’t live here, though. She lives with my ex, out of town.  Where I used to live. She usually spends every other weekend with me at my house.”

“That’s good… right?” Therese tried to picture what the little girl looked like, straining to remember the images she had seen on the fridge and in the living room.

“Every other weekend is okay, but I wish it were more often. My ex and I had a pretty nasty divorce.  I mean, we figured it all out in the end, but we were fighting over Rindy, money, cars, the house… it was awful.  We finally settled it about six months ago, and when I got the job offer here I decided to take it.  Clean slate and all that.”

Therese could understand that. _Start over. Erase and start again. But there was a piece left behind_. She placed her hand over Carol’s, which was still tracing up and down her leg nervously.  She stopped the movement of Carol’s hand and squeezed it gently.  “You must miss her. During the week.”

“I do. I miss her very much. But this is what’s best for her,” Carol said, half-heartedly.  “All her friends are there, her school, her piano lessons… all that stuff.  I didn’t want her to be shuttled back and forth constantly.  She’s young. She needs stability. And with my job, I wasn’t home enough; all the different shifts, exhausted at strange times… never there when she got home from school.  I couldn’t really take care of her full-time. So, as much as I hated to admit it, this was the best thing for Rindy. Maybe in the future, I will be able to be more of a full-time mom, but right now, this is what I’m capable of.”

Therese smiled and held onto Carol’s hand a bit tighter. _That wasn’t so bad. So she has a kid… so what? I can deal with that. I think._

“It’s fine, Carol,” Therese said. “It’s great. Thank you for telling me.”

Carol smiled faintly. 

“The other thing… well, you’re probably not going to like it,” Carol said. “But I want you to hear me out, and not run off before I have the chance to explain everything, okay?”

“Since we’re in my apartment, I doubt I’m going to go anywhere,” Therese tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat.  _Fuck fuck fuck_.  “I’m listening. Just tell me.”

“I’m seeing someone else,” Carol said flatly.

Of all the things Carol could have said, Therese wasn’t sure if this was the worst possible thing, but in the moment that’s what it felt like. _Mother of shit_.  She felt her heart seize up and the stinging slide of bile in the back of her throat.  Carol was still talking and Therese tried to grasp the words that were being tossed her way like so many casual arrows.

“… It’s over, but it’s not… officially… over. Yet. But it will be. I promise,” Carol was saying. Therese stared stupidly down at her lap and realized that she and Carol were still holding hands. She wanted to pull hers back; to pull away from this beautiful woman who was dragging her heart through the dirt.  _I can’t take it._ She willed her fingers to move but they wouldn’t disconnect. She kept holding on. She realized that Carol had stopped talking.

“Why should I believe you?” Therese asked, trying to maintain composure. “How do I know that you’re not saying the same things to this other person?”

“I’m not. I swear,” Carol said. “I meant it when I said it was over. It was something that never should have happened, and it flamed out pretty quickly.  She’s gone, and we just haven’t had that final conversation yet.  We have been taking a break for the past couple of weeks, and, well… I just need to meet up with her and end it for good. That’s all.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Therese asked. “You don’t have to say that to me, you know. Don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear.”

“I don’t think you want to hear anything of this,” Carol said. “But I need you to hear what I’m saying to you. I want to be with you.”

Therese finally met Carol’s eyes again, which were burning into hers with an urgency that shocked her. _She’s serious._

“I want to be with you,” Carol repeated, reaching up with her other hand to touch Therese’s face. “I want you in my life. It would probably be easier for me if I didn’t, but I can’t stop either. I can’t stop whatever this is. I want you, and I won’t deny it.”

Therese was speechless. Part of her wanted to tear herself away from the sight of Carol forever: the luminous, pleading eyes; the golden hair falling over the side of her face; the flushed lips, parted slightly as she breathed in and out rigidly, waiting for an answer.  Here was everything that Carol was, right here in front of her, and Therese couldn’t deny it either.

“Okay,” Therese said, finally.  “End it with this other woman. Officially. And then we’ll see.”

“I will. Soon. Tomorrow,” Carol insisted.  She paused.  “Do you… do you want me to… leave?”

“No.” Therese sighed. “It's like, 2:00 in the morning. I don’t want you to go anywhere. I want you to stay here and eat pizza with me and just go to fucking sleep.”  She let go of Carol’s hand at last and reached over to open the pizza box. She felt Carol’s hand move to her back and stroke up and down her spine, slightly warming the numbness that had seeped into her body.  Therese passed Carol a slice and allowed her hand to remain where it had stopped, softly caressing the bare skin at the bottom of Therese’s shirt.

They ate in silence, chewing unthinkingly and letting the uncertainty of tomorrow sit at the table with them like a dark promise.  When they were done, Therese lit up a cigarette.  She took a long drag and then passed it over to Carol.  As they smoked, Therese turned towards the beautiful woman beside her and compelled herself to look at her.  _Watch her the way she watches you._

She watched Carol’s mouth as she took a puff from the cigarette. She observed the pale, creamy skin of Carol’s neck as she leaned back to exhale a stream of smoke towards the ceiling. She looked at Carol’s elegant hands as they moved through the haze in the air. She stared into Carol’s unblinking sapphire eyes as the two of them passed the cigarette back and forth, slowly, not saying a word.

When they were done, Therese got up and crushed the butt into an ashtray by the window. She walked up behind Carol, still sitting in her chair, and dropped a hand onto her shoulder.  She let the other hand stroke Carol’s hair for a moment, reveling in the softness of it. She could feel Carol’s body sag slightly with relief. _I can’t deny her. I can’t deny this._

“Come on,” Therese said, leaning down to take Carol’s hand and pulling her up. Therese led her gently down the hall towards her bedroom,  Carol following her dutifully until they stood face-to-face by the side of Therese’s bed. Carol wore her familiar indecipherable expression, until Therese reached up and pulled her in by the back of the neck, their mouths meeting in a passionate flash of heat, and Therese felt Carol smile against her lips.

After a moment, Therese stepped back and looked down at Carol’s body, asking silent permission. With a tiny nod from Carol, Therese ran her hands underneath Carol’s shirt and lifted it slowly over her head, dropping it on the floor beside them.

“All of it,” Carol whispered.

Therese unhooked Carol’s bra and let it fall to the floor. She unbuckled Carol’s belt and pushed everything down her legs into an untidy pile at her feet. Carol stepped towards her, beautifully and perfectly naked. _The most beautiful thing I have ever seen_. Therese placed a finger on Carol’s chest, stopping her approach.

“Carol… do you love me?” Therese asked, her voice barely audible. Her finger delayed on Carol’s skin, tracing down across her heart.

_A breath. Two. Kill me._

“Yes,” Carol said, and Therese saw that her eyes had a strange gleam to them. She saw love and fear in those eyes.

Therese took Carol’s hands in her own and placed them on her hips, urging her to undress her, piece by piece.  Every item of Therese’s clothing was lovingly pared from her body, Carol’s hands delicate as they peeled off each piece of fabric. Therese could feel Carol shaking slightly as her hands passed over her skin, coming back to rest on Therese’s hips when she was completely stripped.

Therese reached out to rest her arms around Carol’s shoulders, pulling their bodies close together. The sudden warmth of the contact made them both take a deep breath of release and exhilaration.  Therese threaded her hands into Carol’s hair, holding her tightly.

“I love you. I can’t stop falling in love with you,” Therese said to her. “And I don’t want to stop, because it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my fucking life.”

She pulled Carol into bed with her, and their lips met in a kiss that was somehow different from any of their previous ones.  Its intensity scalded Therese’s heart, but it never escalated into fire. It burned on and on as their tongues and teeth moved against each other; a slow blue flame that charred everything inside, and then renewed them again, fresh and raw to kiss again, each touch of their mouths marking the other with a soft scar of affection.

They existed in this state for an endless time, and wrapped their limbs around each other's bodies. Eventually all their strength had been swept away into every kiss and touch, and they drifted off to sleep like that, Therese’s head resting against Carol’s heart.  _It’s here… between the lungs… just on the left side._

As Therese let the blackness of sleep trickle in to her body, she found herself wishing that they would never wake up.  She didn’t want to know what tomorrow would bring.  All she knew was that she could just lay here in the darkness with Carol forever.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for all your lovely comments, encouragement... and general awesomeness.
> 
> Next chapter: less melancholy. (hopefully).  
> xo  
> SW.


	15. "Be Ruled By Me..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An uneasy morning and a mental card game.

 

The sun poured in through the open curtains of Therese’s bedroom as she slowly opened her eyes. It was morning.  Her body burned as she lay in the intense heat of the morning sun. She wished that her skin would just set on fire and be done with it. _Let this end_. _This knowing and not knowing… it’s torment._

Carol’s head rested on the pillow next to her, her lips parted slightly as she breathed in and out evenly.  One of her legs was flung across one of Therese’s, pinning her down to the bed, and an arm was resting across her stomach. Therese let out a deep sigh as she let herself gaze at Carol’s tranquil beauty. _I am trapped by her, and I can’t escape. I don’t want to._

The thoughts that slowly crept into Therese’s head made her feel a bit sick. _Another woman_. _Why can’t things just be easy?  Why do I have to fight for this?_

Carol shifted in her sleep and moved closer, burrowing into Therese’s shoulder. It felt so lovely, so normal, that Therese wanted to cry.  _It could be like this.  It could be like this every day. That is worth fighting for._ She sighed, placed her hand on top of Carol’s, and closed her eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Therese was in the trauma room in Emergency.  Instead of standing at her usual station off to the side, she realized that she was looking up at the ceiling.  Therese shifted from side to side; she was on a stretcher.  There was a bright light shining in her eyes. She tried to raise her hand to block it out, but found that she couldn’t move. _Trapped_. _I can’t escape._

A shadow crossed her line of vision, and then Dr. Aird was standing over her. “This isn’t looking good,” she said. Therese tried to reply, but no sound was coming out.  Dr. Aird turned to speak to a dark-haired nurse who had appeared at her shoulder. “She’s got major thoracic trauma. Blunt force injuries… sternal fractures… she’ll be gone soon.”

The nurse gave Dr. Aird a knowing look.  “I know she will.” Therese tried to place the nurse’s voice. _Do I know her?_   She squinted her eyes to get a closer look, but the woman’s face looked blurry.

Dr. Aird sighed. “What happened to her? How did she get hurt so badly? Who is she?”  She leaned in closer to gaze into Therese’s eyes. _Carol. Carol, please. See me. I’m still here._ Therese could feel herself straining with effort.  _My heart, my heart…_

“Shit… look at that.” The nurse’s distorted face appeared again, hovering.  She leaned over and pushed hard on Therese’s shoulder. “She’s going into fucking cardiac arrest,” the nurse sighed. “Just what we need. More drama.”

Dr. Aird was pulling on some blue surgical gloves. “We’ll have to crack the chest.”

Therese’s eyes opened wide in terror. _No_.  But the shadowy nurse was already slicing away at the flesh of her chest with a scalpel.  “Time for your thoracotomy!”  _Shit. No. That’s bad. Stop that._  Too late. The dark-haired stranger was whistling as she worked. Skin parting, ribs apart, everything exposed.

Therese watched, helpless, as Dr. Aird stretched out a hand, reaching into the side of her chest and placing her hand on her heart. “This is your last hope,” said the blonde doctor, gazing once more into Therese’s eyes. “I have to do this… or else you’ll fade away. You’ll be gone forever.”

Therese cringed as the doctor’s hand massaged and compressed her heart.  She could feel her blood, rushing hot through her veins.  She could see the face of the dark nurse staring at her, arms crossed, looking disappointed.   _She looks like me_.  Therese’s vision was fading to black.  She gazed longingly into the steel-grey eyes of the beautiful blonde doctor who held her heart in her hands.  The doctor’s lips were moving, but she could barely make out the words.

“Are you still here? Are you still here?”

_I don’t know._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Therese woke up like a shot.  _Holy fuck_.  She grasped desperately at her chest, making sure that everything was intact.  She let out a huge breath of relief and slumped back into her pillow.  _What the fuck was that?_

She glanced over at the other side of the bed and saw that Carol was gone.  Therese could feel her stomach churn. Surely Carol hadn’t left.  _Is she still here?_   Therese resisted the urge to call out Carol’s name and got out of bed, pacing down the hall into the kitchen.  When she saw Carol standing by the kitchen window drinking a cup of tea, she felt a rush of comfort ease itself through her. Carol’s golden hair and pale skin was reflecting the sun, and Therese was reminded, for roughly the hundredth time, of how gorgeous she was.  _But is she mine?_

The blonde woman turned to look at her, and then threw her head back, a laugh bursting out. “Therese, you look simply wonderful!” Carol said, placing her cup of tea on the windowsill.  Therese remembered that she was still naked, and felt herself flushing hot, even though she started laughing a bit too.  She walked over to Carol slowly, smiling as she approached.  Therese placed her arms around Carol’s neck and leaned in to kiss her, just once, on the mouth.  She felt Carol sigh gently against her lips.

“You’re dressed. Are you leaving?” Therese asked.  Carol’s arms were draped around her waist and it felt lovely; her hands were stroking gently across the bare skin of her lower back.

“Yes,” Carol said. “I made arrangements to meet for lunch with my… my ex.  She knows that we have to have a conversation. You know what I mean to do.”

“I know… and I’m glad to hear it,” Therese replied.  “Carol… Are you sure? That this is what you want?” Therese hesitated to say those words, but the nightmare she’d had had left her rattled.  She could still feel the remnants of the Dr. Aird from her dream, squeezing her heart tightly in her hand.  _Are you still here?_

Carol pulled Therese hard and close, their bodies flush against each other. Therese gasped as she felt a rush of desire flash through her at Carol’s assertiveness.  _She wants me_ , Therese thought as Carol’s tongue forced itself between her lips. Therese groaned and tangled her fingers into Carol’s hair, deepening the kiss and panting as her crotch ground against Carol’s thigh. She felt Carol’s hands on her ass, pulling her more firmly against her leg, the rough material of Carol’s jeans rasping against her clit.

“Ugh, fuck,” Therese muttered, biting Carol’s lower lip. She could feel her blood, rushing hot through her veins.  Her naked body was tingling all over, her skin scorched everywhere that it made contact with her lover.

Carol pulled back an inch, speaking softly into Therese’s ear. “I want this. I am sure.” Carol kissed her way down Therese’s cheek and continued kissing her neck, whispering to her.  “I want to be with you. Not her. Not anybody else. Just you. Give me today to sort out this mess, and from tomorrow it will be just us. I promise.”  She squeezed Therese’s ass one more time before releasing her. “I’ve got to go.”

Therese took a step back, exhaling heavily. “Okay. That’s… fine,” she said, as much to herself as to Carol as she fought to catch her breath.  “Will I see you later?”

Carol drank the last of her tea and put the mug in the sink. “I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t say how long this will take, and I’ve got to go to work tonight. Night shift again. Probably best to just talk tomorrow.”

Therese felt her shoulders slump, but she knew that she couldn’t dictate the situation for Carol.  She suddenly remembered that she had a class at the university later on anyway.  _That’ll give me something else to focus on_.  She smiled at Carol as she watched her gather up her wallet, phone and keys.

“I actually parked over by the bar last night,” Carol said. “I’m going to walk over. I’ll talk to you later.”  She stepped towards Therese and reached out to take her hand.  “Is that alright?”

“Of course,” Therese said. She hesitated, and then found herself asking an awful question. “Carol… Do you love her?  This… other woman?”

Carol’s eyes registered her surprise, but she took a moment to think about it.  She kept holding on to Therese’s hand, and her blue-grey eyes were staring blankly at their entwined fingers.  Finally Carol looked up, fixing her gaze on Therese again, a thin smile crossing her lips.

“I did. Or I thought I did.  But no… I don’t love her. Not in any way that matters.” Carol kissed Therese once more, quickly on the lips, a fleeting brush of heat.  She let go of Therese’s hand, turned around, and walked towards the door.  Therese felt the sudden need to put on some clothes as she stood there, alone and unprotected, in her empty kitchen.  Carol spun around once more just before opening the front door.

“Goodbye, Therese. I love you.” Carol smiled, and was gone.

“I love you,” Therese whispered, to nobody.

 

* * *

 

Therese was sitting in the studio at Saint-Germain University, staring absently at a large set of her photographs spread across the table. She had been there for an hour, but it felt like days. She kept gaping at the stack of portraits in front of her, but the subjects of the photos were ghosts.  They had no life to them anymore.  She couldn’t quite figure it out; how could these once-vibrant faces seem so dead?  _Maybe the hospital job is getting to me_ , Therese thought.  _Horrible surgery dreams; dead faces. What the fuck?_

Her professor came by Therese’s work area to ask a few questions, but after a few minutes of enduring her monosyllabic answers, he moved on.  This was a studio class designed to help the Master’s students finalize their thesis projects, and everyone was in a different phase of work and frame of mind, depending on their focus and progress.

The focus of Therese’s thesis project was going to be people, but she hadn’t yet figured out what about them.  She had masses of stunning portraits of people around the city from the last couple of years, but she had no approach for her thesis.  Was this fine art; was it journalism?  Were these photographs a documentary series, and if so, what was she documenting? Therese was totally confused by the direction of her thesis. _What’s the story?_

Therese flipped through the photographs again. She had an overwhelming image in her mind of a deck of cards: she was shuffling the cards for a game of Faro. Her grandmother had taught her how to play when she was a little girl.  Therese was always good at knowing which card to bet on, and her grandmother would laugh and kiss her cheek when she won. Therese always knew where to lay her stake. Always.

Now the cards in her head were all blank. The faces on the photographs were faded; an empty deck of cards.  Therese closed her eyes and pressed her fingers against her forehead.  Blank squares shuffled through her mind; no faces, no diamonds or hearts or clubs. Only one card appeared, over and over. The Queen of Spades.  Therese could see the woman’s face in her mind’s eye, solemn and sinister. All the other cards and pictures she saw were blank, and all that was left was the Queen of Spades.

Therese opened her eyes. _The Queen of Spades. Is she lucky or unlucky? Should I bet on her?_  She couldn’t stand waiting anymore. She didn’t know what to do. Therese looked at her watch; it was now after 6:00 p.m., and Carol would be going in to work soon.  Not knowing what had happened today was killing her. Were things truly over between Carol and this other woman?  _Am I lucky or unlucky?_

Therese hated feeling so helpless. She started sorting her photographs into new piles, categorizing peoples’ faces. At first she tried organizing them by gender, and then by ethnicity, and then by age. It made no difference; the faces still seemed vacant to her.  Therese took a deep breath and started pulling out photographs, looking for the Queen of Spades. _Is she in here?_   But Therese knew that she wasn’t. She knew where to find her.

Therese started packing up all her things.  All of her photographs went away carefully into a folder, and she decided to leave it all here in the studio, until she was able to come back and look at the images with new eyes. There were clearly photos missing of the one person she actually cared about. Therese knew, and she had known since she first laid eyes on her, that what was missing from all this was Carol. 

Therese double-checked all her equipment and slung her camera bag over her shoulder.  She was going to find her subject.  She was going back to Emergency.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story suddenly got very difficult for me to write; not sure why. But I'm going to try to complete a few more chapters soon, because I'm going to be away for a lot of the summer and won't be able to update at all then. So my goal is to finish up what I have, and maybe later on I will write "Emergency Part 2" ;))
> 
> "The Queen of Spades" is a Russian story by Alexander Pushkin, written in 1834. It's not totally relevant, but it is an interesting story that I made some abstract connection to here.
> 
> p.s. I have seen a "crack the chest" and cardiac massage trauma in Emerg and it is fucking awesomely, fascinatingly, horrifyingly gross.


	16. “Most Radiant, Exquisite, and Unmatchable Beauty…”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it either.

Therese adjusted the focus ring on her lens. Through the viewfinder, she saw the angelic features of her subject: waves of golden hair, creamy skin, blood-red lips. A few light freckles along the bridge of the nose. A slight crinkle in the skin next to the left eye. They were beautiful eyes, now staring straight at Therese without flinching. Glacial blue irises were subtly combing over Therese’s body as she repositioned herself to take the next shot.

“Eyes up, please,” Therese said, suppressing a smirk. _She never gives up,_ she thought.

“Yes ma’am,” said the beautiful blonde. She smiled slowly, dipped her chin, and locked eyes with Therese’s through the camera lens. “How’s this?”

_So beautiful_ , Therese thought, shifting again to the right to get a better angle.

“That’s good. Just drop your shoulder a bit… let the material fall… that’s it. I want a bit more skin.”

Therese could feel the gorgeous woman’s eyes following her every move. The icy blue eyes darkened as Therese moved in a little closer, pulling the material down an inch more to expose an edge of collarbone. She heard a slight intake of breath being sucked in between the lush, scarlet lips of her model as her fingers brushed against the skin of her shoulder. Therese smiled and took a step back, locking eyes again with the breathtaking creature sitting in front of her. Nobody breathed. An expectant silence filled the studio.

The air in the room was thick and impenetrable as Therese set up her shot. The lighting was perfect, marking a razor’s edge of shadow along the cheekbone of the woman’s timeless, flawless face. _This woman… my God._ All Therese could see was velvet, soft, and perfect beauty.

“Look at me.” Therese spoke in a low, gravelly voice that was practically a whisper. “Hold that.”

The woman did, her eyes scorching a path through space and time, holding between them a moment of pure, crackling sexual energy. Therese held her breath and pressed the shutter. _Click_.

Therese stood up suddenly, her body language completely changed. The moment vanished, the air split open, and Therese broke the intense eye contact and walked over to her workstation, putting down the camera carefully.

“Thank you. That was perfect. We got it,” Therese said, starting to pack up her things. She felt a sudden urge to leave. She could look over these photos tomorrow; Therese was sure that she had gotten some great shots, anyway. _With a woman like this, how could I not take spectacular pictures? She’s a work of art._

Therese grabbed an envelope from the table and turned around, only to jolt with surprise when she found her personal space invaded by a vision in white: smooth skin, pale gold hair, and scraps of silvery clothing practically falling off the willowy body in front of her. The shirt that Therese had pulled down for the final shot had slipped even further off the shoulder, leaving a tantalizing swath of exposed skin right in front of Therese’s eyes.

“Are we really done?” the blonde asked, one eyebrow raised. She inched imperceptibly closer.

Therese swallowed hard. _Jesus. She smells so good_. “Yes. I got a lot of good stuff. You were amazing. Thanks again… uh…”

“Jennifer.”

“Right, yes. Jennifer. Um, here’s your payment for today. Thank you so much.” Therese shoved the envelope towards the beautiful model and took an awkward step backwards, creating some space between them again. Jennifer looked disappointed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get a drink or something? Dinner? It’s almost 6:00.” The blonde smiled at her, trying to hold Therese’s gaze again, turning on the smolder. She’d been flirting with Therese all day; small touches, knowing looks, elusive moments had been ratcheting up the tension between them as the photoshoot stretched on throughout the afternoon. Therese couldn’t deny that she’d contemplated where this evening might go. Several times, she had found herself breaking a sweat and had to ignore an insistent ache between her legs when the heat between them threatened to boil over. It was obvious that the attraction was mutual, but Therese still wanted to keep things professional. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

Therese busied herself with some equipment on the desk for a moment as she made her decision. She straightened her posture and turned towards Jennifer again, observing her carefully. _She looks so_ _much like her. Why do I always do this?_   Therese swallowed hard. “I can’t… I’m sorry, but I have some things to do tonight. Um, maybe another time?”

“Sure. Of course.” Jennifer smiled easily.

Therese let out a small sigh of relief; the woman luckily got the message that tonight wasn’t the night, and she wasn’t making a big deal about it. Therese watched her as she quickly grabbed her things and pulled on her coat. It was a deep purple colour, and it helped to shatter the illusion that had been built up in Therese’s mind throughout the day. _She_ _would never wear that colour_ , Therese thought.

Jennifer was heading out the door, but turned back at the last second. “Thank you Therese… I enjoyed myself today. I hope you got what you needed… you know… what you were looking for.” Jennifer hesitated. “And… if you didn’t, I hope you find it.” The woman gave Therese a small wave and disappeared out the door towards the elevator.

Therese just stared at the empty space that the tall, magnificent, likely single and clearly interested model had just been occupying. _What the fuck is wrong with you? You could be having sex with a stunning, elegant, and most importantly, very horny woman right now, and you basically tell her to get lost? Because you have ‘things to do’?_

“I am an idiot.” Therese muttered. She started packing up her camera and laptop, shaking her head in disbelief. The feeling of incredulity didn’t last, though. Therese was no longer really surprised at anything she chose to do, or not do, anymore. She had been down this road before; several times in fact. Finding a blonde to spend the night with hadn’t worked the first six times she’d tried it; why should this time be any different? Would Jennifer’s body feel, smell and taste familiar to her? Would she be the best lover Therese had ever had? Would she whisper the intimate and dirty things she wanted to hear into her ear, to push her over the edge again and again? It was unlikely. Therese knew that she’d probably end up feeling like she always felt: the closer she got, the more the other person became a stranger to her.

_She really looked just like her_ , Therese thought. _But even so… it’s not enough. It’s not her. And it never will be_.

Therese clenched her jaw and picked up her bags, ready to go. Locking the door to her studio, she found her thoughts circling back to dark places, to feelings that she had grown frustratingly accustomed to over time. She wasn’t even angry anymore, or sad; it was just an exhausting state of being adrift. Therese wasn’t sure if she had let herself disappear, but nevertheless she felt… forgotten.

The elevator arrived and Therese leaned against the back wall as her mind wandered back, again, to familiar musings.

_I wonder where she is._

_I wonder who she’s with._

Therese walked out of the building and onto the cool, dark city streets, turning towards home.

_I can’t believe it’s been two years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no idea why I suddenly decided to return to this story, which is almost two years old. But I re-watched the Carol movie a few weeks ago, and I guess I got re-infected lol...
> 
> Anyway, I'm not sure if it'll last, but I found myself writing a chapter and it would be silly not to post it... I guess?? In any case, I haven't written much of anything in such a long time, so I'm just pleased that I felt like doing it at all. 
> 
> That's that. ;)


	17. A Poor Player

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter will answer anybody's questions about wtf happened. Whoops lol

_It’s a beige day_.  Therese wrapped her hands around her mug of coffee and leaned against the window frame, watching the world outside as she slowly woke up.  It was early, just after 6 a.m.  There was very little happening on the street below, just an occasional car driving by.  Therese liked the silence and the emptiness of mornings like this; to imagine that she lived in a ghost town instead of a bustling city. She could picture other lonely figures in their own solitary apartments, gazing out over similar empty streets. It gave her a sense of strange comfort. _I’m by myself, but I’m not alone._

The light of the morning was indeed beige; no sunlight was yet able to fight its way through the layers of grim clouds hanging overhead.  It would be a good morning for staying inside and working.  She knew that nobody would disturb her.  After all, who would even call her?  Therese took a sip of coffee and turned away from the taupe-coloured sky. She walked over to her workspace in the corner of the living room and booted up her computer. _Might as well get started_.

Therese had uploaded the photographs of Jennifer the previous night before falling asleep, so they were ready to go.  She hadn’t been able to face the thought of scrutinizing and editing the images of the beautiful blonde woman last night; once she had transferred all the photos onto the hard drive she felt completely exhausted and had fallen into a bottomless and murky sleep until morning.

Looking through the pictures now, Therese was relieved to discover that the alluring resemblance and magnetism of Jennifer that she had felt so powerfully the day before was diffused in the light of a new day. Or perhaps it was simply easier to feel detached when looking at someone through a computer screen. _She really doesn’t look that much like her_. Therese was pleased to discover that some of the photos were quite good. The final shot of the day, with Jennifer’s erotic eyes smoking straight at the viewer through the camera lens, was especially striking _. I can show that to my class tomorrow night._ Therese started editing the shot as she finished her coffee.

\------------------

From an objective point of view, Therese’s life was full. She had everything she wanted: her Master’s degree complete, she was now teaching an undergraduate course at the university.  Her work on the female gaze and redefining gender and sexuality in photography had helped to cement her place as a lecturer, an artist and a working photographer in the city. She had had several successful gallery showings, and was steadily gaining a clientele of private and corporate customers for fashion and editorial work. Her dream of becoming a professional photographer had, essentially, been realized.

_Not so happy, yet much happier._

Therese’s last photography exhibition was about six months earlier, and it had generated some positive local press notices for her gory and provocative take on Shakespeare’s _Macbeth_.  Titled “Lady M”, it was a gender-bending and violent series of images that turned the witches into hulking, formless, grasping monsters and Macbeth and his wife into a female couple who destroy everything in their path.  The carnal desires and the sexual violence of the double Lady Macbeths was explicitly portrayed in bare skin, shining silver knives, and gouts of blood and bodily fluids.  It was hostile and challenging for the audience, but also beautiful in its representation of lesbian desire and the perfection of the female body.

_Lesser than Macbeth and greater._

The final shot in the series depicted the female subject alone, naked, and covered in blood, trying in vain to grip the crown between her fingers as it slipped from her hands. Her expression was one of desperation and resignation. It was ghastly and glorious. Therese hated it.

_Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none._

When Dannie came to see the show, he seemed shocked by the level of viciousness and fury in Therese’s photos.

“This is scary and fucked-up… in other words, I love it,” he said. Therese laughed at that. Dannie continued, “This last shot, though… in the play, doesn’t someone else become king at the end? Where’s that dude? Or woman, or whatever?”

“Yes… Malcolm. He doesn’t exist here,” Therese said. “There’s no winner or saviour in my version of the story. Just Macbeth, at the end, realizing it’s over. They've lost it all.”

“Cheerful!” Dannie scoffed, but then he reached over and squeezed Therese’s hand. “Well, I guess it’s just not a happy story.” He hesitated. “…I hope doing this was good for you. This is pretty bleak, but I get it. Good work, kiddo.”

“Thank you,” Therese said quietly. “I just hope people get it. This idea I had… that people can end up in these dreadful places, unexpectedly… situations we didn’t think we could ever be in.  The witches are like… the dark forces in us, poisoning us with words. They tell us, or show us, what can happen. They even warn us… and we know what we choose to do is wrong. But we do it anyway.”

_What’s done is done._

\------------------

Therese had been working on the new images of her model Jennifer for a couple of hours, sorting and editing the photos to see if there was any story within them to tell.  She felt sure that there was some narrative hidden in the images that would speak to her, but she hadn’t been able to put her finger on it yet.  _Apart from those fuck-me eyes. They're telling a story alright_.  The woman was gorgeous; that was a certainty.  Therese was starting to consider calling Jennifer that evening and apologizing for being aloof the day before. _Maybe I could invite her over_ …

Therese was debating whether or not inviting Jennifer over for a drink was the greatest idea she’d ever had or the absolute worst when her phone rang.  She recognized the number of the hospital and knew exactly who it would be. She smiled.

“Hey you,” she said.

“Oh hello, Annie Leibovitz.”

Therese chuckled. “Hi Dannie. What’s up?”

“I know you don’t work here much anymore, but I was hoping you could come in tonight. Chris called in sick. We’re stuck,” Dannie said.

Therese hesitated. “I don’t know… I’m working on something right now.”  She glanced back at Jennifer’s fuck-me eyes on her computer screen. _Trying to work on getting laid at least._

Dannie was now the personnel manager for Emergency, so she still saw him from time to time. She didn’t work there often anymore, but she was still on the payroll. She usually only agreed to work now if Dannie asked her to like this; as a favour. She thought about it for a minute.

“Come on, whadda ya say? You do still work here, don’t you? You haven’t quit, so you can’t hate it that much,” Dannie said.

“No, I don’t hate it,” Therese said carefully. _How could I? I met her there. The best time of my entire life is tied up in that place_.  Every week, there was a part of Therese that wanted to call Dannie up and resign from her job in Emergency, but she never followed through. She knew why she still wanted to go in there, even if it was occasional and even if it was difficult.  There was a part of her that just couldn’t let go of it all. _Not yet._

Sometimes when Therese would see Dannie at the hospital, she’d ask casually about the staffing process; who was sticking around for another year? Who was retiring? Was the department… by chance… hiring any staff doctors this month?  If Dannie knew what Therese was really asking, he never let on.  His answer was always pretty much the same: “Status quo, Therese. No big shake-ups. We’re all good. The staff is solid right now.”

_In other words, she’s not coming back._

“I’ll come in tonight.” Therese said, suddenly deciding. “I might as well.” She sighed quietly, and shut off her monitor so she didn’t have to keep looking at Jennifer’s half-naked body and smoldering stare. _I guess working tonight will keep me out of trouble. If that’s what I even want. Ugh._

Dannie’s words of thanks were effusive, and Therese hung up feeling satisfied that she’d be doing something useful today. Working a shift at the hospital was predictable; it was a safe bet.  _It’s good to keep a foot in the real world_ , she reminded herself _.  It can’t all be witches and knives and fantasies… and an endless stream of women who remind me of her, who I predictably try to drag into bed. I know it’s not her… and I know it’s wrong. But I do it anyway._

At times like this, when she could feel herself begin to unravel, Therese just needed to force herself into more of a routine, a structure.  Otherwise, weeks and even months would go by and Therese barely knew what she was doing to fill the hours. Only her weekly lecture and her regular studio time offered any kind of real respite from her usual feelings of careless futility. During the past year especially, she had been floating through life as an echo, feeling forever stuck inside a cold dream. Sooner or later, Therese knew that something would shift and she’d emerge from this rut, from this wasteland she had let herself descend into. Until Therese forced herself to make that happen, it was simply a matter of waiting for tomorrow.

_Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote some smut but it didn't fit in with the tone of this chapter. Apparently all I can post at the moment is this melancholic shit... *shrugs*... Maybe smut next time, if Therese can get out of her rut ;) 
> 
> p.s. I do know what happened between Therese and Carol, even if I haven't made it very clear yet.


End file.
